Life Isn't Honey -- ♫♫♫

依然爱你

2011-12-19T14:20:00.004+08:00

一閃一閃亮晶晶
留下歲月的痕跡
我的世界的重心
依然還是你

一年一年又一年
飛逝僅在一轉眼
回憶永遠不改變
是不停的改變

我不像從前的自己
你也有點不像你
但在我眼中你的笑
依然的美麗
直至只能往前走
一個方向順時鐘
不知道愛有多久
所以要讓你懂

我依然愛你
這是唯一的退路
我依然珍惜
時時刻刻的幸福
你每個呼吸
每個動作
每個表情
到最後
一定會
依然愛你

~依然愛你依然愛你~

我依然愛你或許是命中註定
多年之後任何人都無法代替
那些時光是我這一輩子最美好的
那些回忆依然无法忘记

你每个呼吸每个动作每个表情
到永远一定会依然爱你~

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Sayonara

2011-12-10T19:30:00.000+08:00

My eyes scanned the horizon as the wind danced through the strands of my hair. I was not focused about my surroundings. They were blurry to me as they are not important anymore. I swung my legs about while my hands were touching the grass below my butt. Surprisingly, the grass was not pointy as usual but rather soft to the touch for the first time. For the first time, Mother Nature showed some sympathy towards my troubles.

Life was okay for me if it was not for the hurting that people around me had to go through. Every single time a person that I cared for got hurt, it was like being stabbed in the heart and pushed off a cliff. I do not mind the death, except for the fact that it only mentally exists inside me and it is repeatable every time it was ticked off by someone getting hurt.

Three. The number three existed and evolved around me in my life. Three people whom I cared most about. They were close to me once, but they seem to be drifting away from me. Like a hunter on the prowl for prey, they drifted into my life and they drifted away. I wonder whether they knew the scars and the hurt they left behind in their wake. I wonder whether they actually remember all the good times we had and how I wished, silently wished, that I could just live in those happy moments again.

He was once the most important person in my life. No one, not even my family could replaced him. I did everything for him; even gave everything possible to him. Through thick and thin, we travel paths and climbed through deep holes just to continue down the path together. In fact, I never imagined life without him. That is.. until I begin to slowly let go of his hand. For the first time, I wanted to travel the path on my own. I begin jogging, eventually, this led to running. He begin panting while trying to keep up with me. He begin running while trying to catch hold of my hand. Over time, as we both fell through holes and slipped through mud, I did not wait for him nor help him. Instead, as soon as I was free, I begin to continue my journey. Had I looked back, I would have saw the hurt in his eyes that was accompanied by tears waiting to be shed..

I met him for the first time on my quest to become more sociable. At first glance, he was kind of cute and really, really crazy about games. I really do not know what to make of him, but I just knew that it would be cool to have a new friend at that time. At the time when I found him, he was at the side of the road. If you did not look closely, you would have noticed that he was just a typical average guy. However, upon closer inspection, I noticed that whenever he stopped by at night to rest, he would become solitary. Those eyes of his became more deep and his usual smile would disappear. It was sad to see that, and I begin observing him more and more. As time passed, he began to open up his life; his chapter of sadness. I wanted to help him, but could not really do much. All I could do was be by his side. Eventually, no matter how close I could be to him, he eventually drifted away from me. His feelings were not stable, and I am not surprised when he was interested in someone else. In fact, to just see her walking closer to him as we travel along the road, I was sad and hurt. Our feelings towards each other grew distant. There was no mistaking it. He changed. The person I thought I could rely on was no more. He became a different person. I do not know him now. Every time, I would smile when I see him. But, am I really that important? He asked other people, thought about other people and even called other people. But, what about me? Is he really that confident I would always find him in the end no matter how he treated me? Out of respect and responsibility, I pushed her towards him during one of the walks on the road before running away. The key that I always wore - I dropped it onto the path so that he would be distracted if he ever decided to run after me. That is, if he even decided to. I never wanted to look back ever since.

This one is a peculiar one. I met him unexpectedly walking along the road and decided to see how his' life has been up until now. It seems, to our great surprise, we had a lot in common. The feeling was phenomenal. It was as if, this person was with me through my whole life, but invisible to my eyes. We enjoyed each other's company as we travel on the road. We chatted a lot and for the first time for so long, I felt like I was not so alone after all. After all, here is a person that I could just tell him anything. The road, however, started to become broken and torn. Each of us, no matter how we wanted to, could not help the other but could only stood by the side. I did not show my true feelings, but I seriously just wanted to go over and hug him every time his eyes showed great pain. Every time he struggled to climb out of the hole, I wished that I could give him my hand and said, "It's alright. I'm here." But, how could I? All the promises I told him, all was broken and buried unwillingly. I could do nothing. My master came and held the chains of my leash tightly. I was struggling the whole time; choking against the unbreakable collar. But, I could not break free. I was bound eternally. When I was led away from him, I tried not to look back. I knew that whatever I see if I did, I will regret for eternity.

That is right. I have a master. I gave him my heart, my life and most important of all, my soul. When I made the unbreakable promise, I wore the unbreakable collar as he held the leash. My life, my destiny was in his hands from that moment onwards. I never thought I would regret it, but slowly, I did. I missed the past when all the three above could live in harmony in my life. But, Life caught up with me and pushed me along another path. This path was muddy and hard to walk on. It was full of vines and thorns that clinged to my clothes. As I walk, I was frightenly aware of the hollow sounds of the echo of my own empty heart. For once, there was no sound of my own beating heart. There was hardly any light and I did not know where I was walking to. But, it does not matter. All I knew, is that I just have to keep walking straight.

At the end, I saw the sea and the distant horizon. I heard the songs of the seagulls and the smell of the saltwater. I sat down on fairly soft grass as the wind danced gracefully through my hair. I knew what I had to do next. All the memoirs of my life, along with the sweet memories I treasured the most, I replayed it in my mind and heart. They were the only possessions I have in life and I really, really appreciated it. As I stood up, I looked around. My master was nowhere to be seen. This was a perfect opportunity.

I took one step forward. The air could not support my weight and I begin falling off a very high cliff towards the sea below. But, this was not what I see. I closed my eyes and felt the wind accompanying me down this dangerous dive. I could feel the spray of saltwater on my body as Poseidon's Kingdom welcomed me. The memories were one of the last things on my mind. I miss my past.

But, all I could think was,

"Sayonara".

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S.
我依然愛你或許是命中注定
多年之後任何人都無法代替
那些時光是我這一輩子最美好的
那些回憶依然無法忘記 ..

End of Semester

2011-12-08T13:00:00.000+08:00

Time flies by like a grain of sand through my hands,

Now, I stand before all my friends,

Never knowing when I will see you all again,

So are we going to party today like we are all insane? x3

Thanks a trillion to my teachers,

I have learn a lot through your preaches,

Thanks for putting up with our class,

Thanks for answering whatever we asked,

Thanks for partying with us on the last night,

You showed us a lot, you showed us the future light.

Thanks a billion to my friends,

I have learn a lot through all our funny pranks,

Thanks for putting up with me,

Thanks for seeing what I see,

Now I wish you the best for your future's sake,

Next time, don't forget to invite me to your wedding to drink sake. ;p

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Teachers

2011-11-26T00:00:00.001+08:00

Teachers.

Your kind eyes twinkled with laughter.

You were just like our father or mother.

You supported almost every prank we play,

We all listened to whatever you say.

Teachers.

Your kind souls illuminated the dark.

You were just like the center of our hearts.

Your every beat is essential for our unknown future,

It is just like the surrounding air we breathe, very crucial.

Teachers.

Your kind hands showed us the way.

You showed us how to solve, how to play.

You sowed the seeds in our very hearts,

And now it is time for us to sprout from the dark.

Teachers.

Your love is the very best.

It is always on show on your desks.

Your love is the very thing that made us respect you,

It is like a catalyst that made us study hard too.

Teachers.

You may be a chapter in our Book of Life.

But, no matter where we go, we will still abide..

The quotes you taught, the knowledge we sought,

Will forever be in our heart no matter where we fought in our fight in Life.

Teachers.

Thank you for all that you done.

You did the best, now it is time for the sun.

To shine its' light of success on us,

So that teachers, you all will be proud of us until you burst. =3

tO b3 conTinu3d..

How?

2011-11-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

Fair Skin

1. Stay out of the sun.

2. Wear a hat when outdoors.

3. Home-made remedy: Lemon juice and honey for 20 minutes.

4. Exfoliate your skin a few times a week: Mix sugar and liquid soap.

5. Dab lemon juice on your skin each night: 15 minutes.

6. Wear plain yogurt facial masks and wash it off with milk.

7. Use tea tree facial cleansers.

8. Be patient.

Baby Soft Skin

1. Cleanse your skin once a day with soap free body wash, water and a soft sponge.

2. Exfoliate.

3. Pat dry with a fluffy tower.

4. Apply lotion, cream or body oil before you leave the steam-filled bathroom.

5. Wear sunblock before going outdoors.

6. Put some moisturizer on any part which wants to be soften and put on tight pantyhose and gloves.

Popular

1. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone.

2. Be friendly.

3. Stop thinking about yourself.

4. Give a helping hand.

5. Be yourself.

6. Don't try too hard.

7. Dress like you mean it.

8. Be confident.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Sorry That I Loved You

2011-11-20T00:00:00.023+08:00

For all of the time that I tried for your smile
For making you think that I was worth the while
So your love, love, love, love, love, would be mine..

For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love, love, love made us blind..

And I'm so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I'm sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn't turn back time..

For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I hold you tight.

And I'm so sorry for..
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love, love, love, and it passed us by..

For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when I fled the scene
Sorry love, for wasting your time..

And I'm so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I'm sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn't turn back time..

For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
I'm so sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I hold you tight.

An apology now after all of this time
Won't make any difference tonight
But I'm hoping" I'm Sorry" will open your mind
To love, love, love, love in your life..

Sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I'm sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn't turn back time..

For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you..

I'm sorry that it came true.

But sorry can't turn back time.

I'm sorry that I loved you.

I'm sorry that I hurt you.

I'm so sorry that I loved you.

I'm sorry that I hurt you.

Sorry that I loved you..
tO b3 conTinu3d..

Bondage

2011-11-11T09:05:00.000+08:00

~~I know who I am.~~
~~I know what I want.~~
~~I know what to do.~~
~~I know I am loved.~~
~~I know I have friends.~~
~~I know I am supported.~~
~~I know I can live.~~

Life, as usual is hectic lately. I always thought I was imagining things. But, I guess my sixth sense was right after all. The evil lurking in the shadows had been stalking me for quite some time now. I felt their presence. But, every time I turned around, there was nobody there.

I always thought I knew who I was. I always thought I knew what I wanted. That is, until I met him. I did not wanted to be involved in his life at first. But, his charm was amazing. Every single time I went close to him, I was sucked into a void where my feelings were drunk into behaving disorderly. Obviously, I got confused. I, a love adviser, could actually be confused in the circles of my own feelings.

However, I could not help it. I began to spend more time chatting with him. But, as predicted, I was stopped at all means and bonded. This left me wondering what in the world had I been missing in this world. Was I lacking in any part of my life? I pondered this question until I stumbled upon my stepbrother and friend's presence and began hanging out with them more and more. It was always fun and relaxing with them. I was allowed to forget my daily worries and stress, but I was once again stopped and bonded from freedom again.

I begin to feel the lack of precious oxygen in the air. I begin to feel the cramped muscles of my wings of freedom. My eyes begin to see better in the dim light. I begin to learn how to sleep in the small cage. My ears begin to hear negativity throughout the area. I was confident I saw my ex supporters, my so-called friends, my betraying family through the cage. Their eyes looked at me harshly as they stood there watching me helplessly looking at them for help. My heart begin to die slowly.

I always knew something was wrong. I knew I could never trust anyone in this place except my own self. No matter what I do, I am always wrong. I am always the one to be blamed. I am always the one whom were used and threw away like trash. Once touched by both his hands, my whole body was immediately succumbed to his demands. I could do nothing at all, even when I felt my heart fighting for freedom; fighting to be released.

My tears fell on to the ground. There was nothing I could do. It is easier this way; it always was. The collar placed on my neck could not be taken off. My wings were tied to my back; scheduled to be cut away. All my actions and my choices were predetermined not by fate, but by the words spoken from his mouth. I wanted to run away. I wanted to soar to the sky where freedom was FFA - Free For All. But, it is not possible in this locked cage.

There was absolutely nothing I could do.
I could not even save myself.
All this resulted from love and trust.
The result: I am in chains of bondage.
Forever alone.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

That Unconditioned Smile

2011-11-08T11:43:00.000+08:00

Years.

Somehow, I matured in advising everyone before I reach that certain age.
Any advice I gave, it would help people along in some part of their lives.
Giving people love advice was common sense and comes easily to my mind.

I was slacking through life when I met an old friend.
His girl, now ex, left him for another guy.
And I saw him slouching on the couch looking gloomy earlier this year.

Sad to see a relationship in pieces.
Sad to see another love slowly dying.
Sad to see another guy doubting love.
Sad to see him looking down as I saw the girl and her new love walking about.

So, I went to comfort him. It was quite an emotional moment.
He poured out his feelings and hurt.
I saw it through the windows of his soul; the fact that he could not believe that this thing could happened to him.

It was not a surprise.
This kind of love was quite common nowadays.
One night stand, flings, empty love..

The only thing that was hard to find in this world was a person you loved that loves you back not for whom where you came from, but for who you truly are.

He sighed.
I gave a small sad smile.
To be honest, I thought they would last longer.
They started during SPM year.
They should not be in this condition.

I gave him my advice.
Hoping that he would cheer up.
Hoping that he would again smile, while struggling to escape the darkness surrounding him.

He finally asked a question.
"How come you guys managed to last 4 years?"
I was not really that surprised he asked this question at this moment in his life.
I looked into his eyes, full of wonder and probably, admiration.

I told him.
Life was not always ups in a relationship.
There had to be downs.

I told him.
The last 9 months of my life was seriously Hell-ish.
The pain of loving someone who obviously did not love me.
Even though it was like this for the past three years, last year's was the worst.

The lies came pouring out at an unexpected moment.
My studies went down the drain as my life grasp my heart in pain.
It was a disaster. Ultimate disaster.

SPM year and I had to dealt with this.
Of all the years he can choose, he have to choose this year.

I have to admit though.
The gal was quite pretty.
But, I don't really care.
I could not care either.

My eyes were always full with tears.
My heart was always in pain.
My body always ached from sleepless nights.
My studies suffering as my friends all tried to pull me back from the darkness surrounding me.

Every single time his eyes floated towards her, my heart pounded my nerves so harshly; I had to look away.
It was obvious from that moment.
I no longer existed in his heart.

For half a year, I stood alone in the darkness.
There seem no way to escape.
There seem no path for me to run away.
All, I could think in my mind..
was him running towards the girl while leaving me behind.

The guy was shocked.
"Then why are you guys still together?"
All I could do was smile and replied,
"Love will find a way."

Since then, I never heard from either of them..
until recently when I accidentally clicked on the guy's Facebook profile.
It seems like my old friend's love found a way after all..
and I smiled.

They are together.
They are smiling.
They are happy.
What matters the most was..
their love found a way and that's why I smiled.

It felt so good to help love find a way back into people's lives.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

等待

2011-11-02T08:42:00.002+08:00

多少个夜晚
有多少个人
总是在夜里拿着手机
默默的等待

等到睡着了
却惊醒了
第一时间把电话找来
忘了一眼
眼眶都湿了

而
等待的
可能永远没有回复～

tO b3 conTinu3d..

给天蝎座的一封信

2011-10-31T12:34:00.002+08:00

天蝎座讨厌虚伪讨厌谎言讨厌欺骗。其实天蝎经常硬撑即使一百个委屈都习惯用自己的方式独自一人承担。真正痛苦的时候其实没人看得见。他很注重公平凡事都会分得清清楚楚不会去占别人便宜。他非常重感情只要他真心认定的朋友都会真心对待。

天蝎不爱发短信也不爱打电话懒蛋一个。对特别的人会例外自尊心很强强过金钱强过事业也强过爱情。天蝎座需要慢慢相处因为天蝎座是个被动的星座慢热的星座放不开的星座一见钟情很难发生在天蝎座身上天蝎的爱需要时间。他们会喜欢很多人却很难爱上一个人。

对爱蝎子的赌注总是压得很大如果能赢那么他将成为这个世界上最幸福的人所有其他的都可以不在乎了。可一旦输了那份痛将使得再次关闭他的心扉从此不再对任何人打开因为在他的生命中已经承受不起第二次这样的打击了。也许他还会笑用笑去掩盖那流血的伤口。

有人说天蝎心狠说他会很快忘记过去而如果有人走进了天蝎的心里他会很难转身舍不得转身即使带给他的会是伤痛。天蝎把自己小小的包裹起来其实天蝎很怕寂寞。他很怕自己心爱的那个人消失怕自己太依赖那个人也许会觉得他冷漠其实天蝎会在心里每天想千遍万遍。

天蝎不喜欢争吵大多数情况下会用沉默来代替内心的不良情绪。但若遇到十分气恼的情况他会发威结果是口不择言不用费劲地说世界上最恶毒的语言说出来给对方听中伤对方。但过不了两天天蝎自己会主动反省为自己的言语感到失态和后悔。

天蝎座的人不大会接受别人的意见即便是他人不停地规劝表面上点点头心里还是有自己的一套。天蝎不大懂得察言观色如果爱人情绪有变化天蝎会胡思乱想许多认为会是自己哪里做错了。然后就会招来爱人的不满! 事实上天蝎并不想这样只是性格缺陷他容易想太多。

蝎子没事喜欢胡思乱想。性格与脾气都比较极端嗜睡挚爱音乐易被感动喜欢跟喜欢的人身体接触恨不得把身体揉进去那种。有些悲观支配欲有较强的依赖感偏执苛求完美双重性格一般很抗拒有人走近不喜欢听见周围有人不停交谈经常表现出对什么都不在乎。

天蝎有时候令人难以揣摩日常生活中他们的思维方式甚至会让你痴迷。他们不仅性感无比而且还赋有精力他们对其他任何异性都会冷酷到底而对自己的老婆则是温情绵绵。而且蝎子其实很好哄的只要你的手机时时为他们开着不要不接他们的电话出去聚会愿意带着他们那么蝎子绝对是最棒的伴侣。

当天蝎和自己的恋人闹别扭时开始的时候他们会很坚决大有一种决不首先向对方妥协的势气。时间一久天蝎就开始想对方的好了于是自己主动找上门和恋人和好如初就像什么都没有发生过。虽然蝎子的内心是有些气的但一见到恋人就又“傻”过去了这就是我所了解的天蝎自我矛盾加自我折磨的天蝎。

天蝎生性渴望理解却不奢求理解安于孤独更乐于孤独。天蝎的优势在于对于别有用心的人能够一眼看穿并完全做到视若无睹。也许当你自鸣得意时天蝎想的正是不和这头牲口一般见识。看天蝎就是这样的心态清高地忍让忧郁地承受却酷得干脆利落。只要你不触动他的底线一切都好。

天蝎座的人酷爱权力喜欢有自己的思想方法。钱和物质对你是不可缺少的但从不用它来束缚自己的手脚你对那些对自己的事业工作有过帮助的人总是念念不忘肯为你们慷慨解囊。天蝎座的人需要经常不断地处于忙碌之中喜欢亲自动手去做喜欢改善自己的工作和生活环境喜欢更新自己的想法。

天蝎座谈恋爱时容易胡思乱想不能忍受被忽略忽视的感觉一点点也不能如果另一半不理他他就会自己胡思乱想一堆钻进死胡同后出不来。然后另一半一个电话又瓦解了所有了胡思乱想。想要控制却又下不了决心。天蝎座表面坚强内心软弱想要占有却又怕太过火不停地自信与自卑交杂。

天蝎不会轻易付出爱她们会保护自己。如果能经受住天蝎百般的考验和魔鬼式的训练那么他会幸运的成为她的爱她们怕太认真怕她们太强烈不爱的时候冷的像冰爱的时候热情似火让你很能适从。她们的思想是比较偏激的要么爱要么彻底的不爱。所以天蝎的爱永远都是轰轰烈烈的。

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Runaway

2011-10-25T09:28:00.001+08:00

I got to run away.

My mind is driving me crazy.

My heart keeps telling me something whereas my mind is telling me something else.

It feels weird although it happened so many times.

My heart tells me something whereas my mind disapproves of it.

My mind tells me something whereas my heart disapproves of it.

I met this kind of situation before.

I almost died from heart-mind disorder.

Or to put it rather simply, heartbreak.

I got to make a choice soon.

I got to learn not to look back and pick up every stray on the street.

I got to learn to let go.

I got to learn to run away.

Otherwise, I, myself will become a stray. :\

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. I wanna run away and never look back.

I wanna become a runaway.

Every Day

2011-10-20T15:06:00.000+08:00

It is amazing how one person can change your life; how that one person can change your whole perspective on things.

You meet this person at an unexpected place and suddenly, it seems as if we were destined to be.

Away from all the worries of the world and all the pressure by society, summer romance took over your life and you found yourself smiling like there is no tomorrow.

Yes, you complained. You fumed. But, you managed to pull through everything, even a bath in bucket loads of mud.

All because this one person was there. Chatting, cracking jokes and bullying; life seem better.

In fact, you know you are feeling a little bit weird if you actually let yourself get washed away in the river just to see if this person would actually try to save you.

Life was good. In fact, your immunity system starts to become stronger and there were less things about deja vus.

However, you forgot about one little problem.

Reality.

When you came back from the greenery of the forest, life's bucket loads of problems start to shove shit after shit at you. You saw no hope, even with the person there.

Heck, the person there cheered you up at first. But then, life's doubts, insecurity and pressure grabbed you by the neck and you could hardly breathe.

You are torn between two roads; two choices.

One adventured through and proven safe; the other unwalked on and might be full of lies.

You wanted to just run away and never look back, but life's problems have a very very firm grip on you.

You can only walk ahead.

You can only choose one.

But, no matter what you choose..
In the end, you have to walk alone.

You have to decide your own fate.

How can one run away when life gets harder everyday?

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Tomorrow

2011-10-11T13:01:00.000+08:00

“Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.. "

For the first time in my life, the word "tomorrow" will never be in my dictionary again. The engines of the airplane I had boarded on earlier was a distant "whirring" sound to my ear as my mind slowly cleared from the misty fog. Shock was still embedded in me as I pondered over the deep, permanent scar that slashed through me when the events happened just now.

2012. The year the film was named after. The film that most critics criticised about was rumoured to be based on actual science facts that predicted what would happen that year. I remembered holding his warm hands and hearing his laughter combining in the melodies of our friends' voices. If one noticed it well, you would have thought we were a walking choir. We were leaving the cinema after watching the blockbuster movie of year 2009 - 2012. It was amazing how they had created so many cool sound effects and how realistic the movie seem. But, that is what I am worried about. My forehead lines creased as my worries started to appear.

"It is too realistic. "

I agreed with my mind. As the angel in me began inhaling enough oxygen to have enough breath to debate with the devil in me, he interrupted their fight by tugging at my hand. My downcast eyes and moody face looked at him. In his brown eyes, I saw his eyes widen with worry as he saw my somber look. "What's wrong?" I shook my head at his question and began socialising with my friends who did not noticed anything. But, I knew he was worried as I cheerfully talked the day away more than usual.

That night, I was not my usual self. None of my family members realised that I became more self-centered and introvert. They thought I was my usual self and had not bothered to observed my actions. I thought about possibilities and escape routes if the scene in the film ever happened, but I couldn't see a soluton no matter how I tried.

"None of us are rich enough to build a submarine with a lot of food and gas supply. Besides, who can even drive a submarine or an airplane? "

I frowned. I am not of age to even begin lessons although I am sure private instuctors can be hired with the help of one's cash. But, I am not your bratty, rich girl. I am just a typical average girl who just wants to have a normal life. It seems that he is worried too. Lately, his calls signified that he wants our relationship to evolve as soon as possible because he is afraid that he won't get a chance to do so. It pained me as I rejected him over and over again while reminding him that it is not the time yet. But, deep down..

"I wish I can do it too.. Without any fear.. Just feeling the love surrounding us as I lay in his arms.."

"Ya right."

"Shut up, angel."

"So, now you are on the devil's side too?"

I quickly came out from my day-dreaming. It was not going to help my problem and definitely cannot solve any global warming issues either. Besides, I hated arguing with the "angel" side of me. It felt wrong. Anyhow, I did not sleep that night. I kept tossing and turning about that it made my back hurt.

Time passed.

Graduation..

SPM results..

Going into Form 6..

Keeping in touch with him..

Studying..

Going out with him..

STPM..

The day STPM ended was one of relief. Once out of the familiar blue school gates, he was waiting for me in that second-hand car of his with the aircond on at full blast. I did not complained when I went in and strapped my seat belt. The sudden cold air that blast through your hair and clothes when it is soaked with sticky sweat is making one comfortable and cooling.

As he drives along the road towards our place for lunch, I turned on the radio and listened to the news. For some time now, troublesome and disturbing news greeted us as usual.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

The Time of No Return

2011-10-09T12:25:00.000+08:00

I stare straight ahead. It annoys me that the sun can still be shining and glaring brightly on a day like this. I used to like it. That is, before the SMS came an hour ago.

I am in the car, staring straight ahead even though the scenery outside whizzed past me. I think my dad drove past the speed limit, because I felt the force pushing me back into my car seat. Although it is 25 Degrees Celsius in here, it felt like I am in South Pole.

I felt like in a dream. A really bad dream that I could not wake up from.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Clouds

2011-10-07T11:23:00.001+08:00

Clouds filled up my mind,

Always in chaos and not in line.

But that was long ago,

Now, it is time to go solo. (:

I'm feeling quite joyful today. :DD

I got my iPhone and ready to play.

All that's left is some fine dining,

Then, I can even go do some running. xDD

I'm going to live life to the fullest,

I'm going to be the coolest,

No more clouds shall dim my vision,

As I aim to complete my mission. ;)

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. The writer was overexcited and could not type any more words.
She would like to wish Rocky, Tian Yong's dog, a very happy birthday.
Furthermore, she also hopes you all will live life to the fullest. (:

Wishes and Airplanes

2011-10-04T10:00:00.000+08:00

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

I could really use a wish right now..

Because have you ever lost someone and tried to take them back but the damage is done?

Thoughts of losing you makes me feel so sad..

How am I gonna sleep when I feel this bad?

I know enough is enough..

I will never be perfect..

I will always be nothing unless I am with you..

Because you made me perfect..

Just tell me what I can do?

The pieces are missing when I am not with you.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

I could really use a wish right now.. Wish right now.. Wish right now..

If one day I returned to the past,

Return to the time when we first met,

Will you feel that I am not bad?

If one day I leave to a place far, far away,

And could no longer meet you anyway,

Will you feel that I said goodbye?

When you laugh and when you smiled,

Through bad and good times,

I always wanted to treat you well,

But you never knew that thinking of you has become a daily necessity.

When you spoke of your thoughts and worries,

When you called when you can't sleep at night,

I wanted to tell you a lot of stuff, but I am afraid to say it wrongly,

I love you.. You know?

If one day, dreams do come true..

Memories will have eternal lives,

Would you still remember today?

Maybe emptiness has caused me to think too much,

Maybe I should return to my blanket.. And close my eyes to sleep..

And in my dream where I will meet you.. I can tell you what I have always wanted to say..

Can we pretend that airplanes are like shooting stars?

I could use a wish right now..

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. Happy birthday Foong Tian Yong.
May all your troubles fly away and all your dreams come true. ;)

Fuck You

2011-10-03T15:20:00.000+08:00

*Please view with the song Fuck You by Cee Lo Green.

I see you talking 'round school with the other discipline teachers and I'm like,
Fuck you!

oo, oOo, oo

I guess the change in my life just wasn't enough and I'm like,
Fuck you!
And fuck them too!

I said, if I obey ya, I won't still be with ya,
Ha, now ain't that some shit?

And although there's no pain in my chest,
I still wish you the best with a ..
Fuck you!

ooo, oOo, ooo

Yeah, I'm not sorry, I can't be your star pupil,
But that don't mean I am very stupid.

I guess Jenning's an exotic food and I'm more junk food,
But the way you play your game ain't fair.

I pity the fools who were taught by you,
(Oh Shit, you are a crapper)
Well,
(Just thought you should know nigga)

oOo oOo oOo
I've got some news for you,
Yeah, go run and tell your little mommy.

I see you talking 'round school with the other discipline teachers and I'm like,
Fuck you!

oOo oOo oOo

I guess the change in my life just wasn't enough and I'm like,
Fuck you!
And fuck them too!

I said, if I obey ya, I won't still be with ya,
Ha, now ain't that some shit?

And although there's no pain in my chest,
I still wish you the best with a ..
Fuck you!

oOo oOo oOo

Now I know, that I had to quarrel,
Crap and steal and lie and cheat.
Trying to fool ya, trying to kill ya,
'Cause being your enemy really is damn annoying.

I pity the fools who were taught by you,
(Oh Shit, you are a crapper)
Well,
(Just thought you should know nigga)

oOo oOo oOo
I've got some news for you,
Yeah, go run and tell your little mommy.

Now idiots idiots idiots,
Why did you wanna do all that?
Is it because your life is always like that?

Urgh. Why?
No life?
I thought so.
You are idiots anyway.
Crapping and spoiling someone's name to alien people just to pass the time.

If you still want to backstab, come forward and stand in front of me.
No need to tell my sister or her whole class.

Tell me, DISCIPLINE TEACHERS OF CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL, (PJ) MALAYSIA.

I am not afraid of you fuckers.

Fuck you.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. I left school already. No need to bring shit up when the water just became clear, unless you want it to be shitty again.

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了

2011-10-01T22:10:00.002+08:00

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会在街上走的时候想到我，想到蹲在地上痛哭？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会在最快乐时想起我，想让我和你一起分享你的快乐？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会在半夜突然醒来，想我想到泣不成声？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会无数次的点击我的空间，看看我留下的痕迹？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会认真的看我的每篇文章，然后理解我当初是多么的珍惜你？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会锁起日記，只为我开，只为我留言？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会每天开MSN等我，当你看见好友上线时以为是我？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会看那无聊的肥皂剧流泪，然后狠狠的想我？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会觉得其实你是想我的，其实你也很在乎我？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会一直等我，一直相信我会回到你身边？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会痛哭流涕，就像迷失了自己？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会紧跟着与我相似的背影，只为确认那是不是我？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会走遍我们曾去过的角落，以拾起那曾经属于我们的记忆？

如果有一天，我从你的世界消失了，
你会不会像电视里演的那样，记着我一辈子？

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. Will you? :\

Just Another Day

2011-08-29T12:46:00.000+08:00

It's just another day.
The sun is shining.
The doggies are playing.
My sister is hoarding the phones.
I'm just sitting in front of this laptop.

It's the third day since you went to Europe to play.
I wonder how you lived through everyday.
The sun must be shining, the birds must be singing,
Too bad I can only see it all through the TV.

I wonder whether you are okay.
Your doggy is, although I don't think he likes the way Nikki plays.
However, I just have no mood to do anything except play computer.
But, I guess I am like this everyday.

Maybe I shall go play Harvest Moon?
Or I should just finish up my holiday homework..
But, I feel like playing The Sims Social..
Yet, I just feel like sleeping until you come back home.

After all these while, I can't believe that the above nonsense is all a bit gibberish.
I mean, come on, anyone reading this will be bored.
Yet, why in the world am I still typing this?

I feel like spilling out all my feelings and secrets.
But, some are best left unknown to other people as they might use it against me.
However, I guess my heart is breaking down from all the secrets and dark plans consumed within.

After all this while, I guessed I miss those days.
Those days when my friends would not care about who am I and would just hang out for fun.
Those days when my sister is not a stubborn idiot and actually knows where she stand in life.
Those days when I actually get to spend lots of time with him.
Those days when I actually get to hang out in a group of friends who see me for me.

Now, my life is kind of messed up.
College life is fun.
But, socially, I'm withdrawn.

I see backstabbers running around spreading rumors.
I see idiots thinking they are the whole world trying to boss people around.
I see a whole gang being influenced by lies and false stories.
I see hearts being broken and friendships being cut away.

You thought that I was an introvert?
I was scared of the society because of all these kind of people.
They run amok in our daily lives, but few saw who their true nature was.
I lost friends, gangs and hangout buddies due to this nasty influence that surrounded college life.
Everyone thinks that they are the whole world and nothing else matters to them.
Only a few selected ones survive this horrible pandemic.

I do not know whether I survive or not.
But, I am alive now to tell the tale.
I swore to be like how I am in Form 2.
I will cast away all this craziness and defeat all evilness.

I will only focus on the important things in life.
Studies and him alone. That's it.
Never again will I deal with retards and bullshit.
I have low tolerance for bullshit anyway.

My goal now: 4.0 CGPA.

Who said I can't be the best? (:<
~~It's just another day..~~

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Because You Live

2011-03-27T01:34:00.007+08:00

Then your voice calls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right here
But now I know what I really know.

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, boy
My world has twice as many stars in the sky.

It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cause of you, I made it through every storm
What is life, what's the use if you were killed inside
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes.

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, boy
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live.

Because you live, there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always..

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, boy
My world has twice as many stars in the sky.

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, boy
My world has everything I need to survive.

Because you live..
I live. <3

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. Dedicated to Dar. ;p
Happy 4th Anniversary. =3

smile alwayzz..

Tell Me Goodbye

2011-02-23T20:38:00.002+08:00

Letting you go..
Letting you go.. :\
Yo, I got this yeah..
Still think about this alot.
You got me shaken up.
And it got my head just spinning round round round round..

Please tell me there's a way.

Don't wanna take a fall
It's best to break it up
It's gonna be better for you to move on
Uh huh we break it break it
Or thought we make it make it
And now we cover it up.

Boy I swear even for a second
cause you any pain
in order to protect you
there's already no other way

Baby our love brings us pain
And I got nothing, nothing to say

Tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye
those hands that embraced me
Tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye
seem to be letting go
if forgetting me will give you freedom Baby
Tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye

Boy, you know when you lose your smile
I will place the blame on myself
Those words, and even the light
I will lose sight of everything else

Baby the moment our lips part this time
I'll never find better, better than you

Tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye
those hands that embraced me
Tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye
seem to be letting go
merely being by my side is not kindness Baby
Tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye

Yo and it's so, so
Sad it just ain't happening
Wish it could be better
Sorry to be crapping
But I just can't let ya
Shouldn't be less than happy
I said look at me
I couldn't live with myself seeing you lacking
The things you deserve
Baby you was a part?
Must believe that it hurts
that leads this world
I feel the aching through my body
it just takes a bigger part of me
to be let you go
I wish that one soul

your voice, pained and fading away..
erased completely by the wind, stay..

all these things, I can't take it, those tears, don't cry for me
for your sake, I'll never look back again

Tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye
those hands that embraced me
Tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye
seem to be letting go
merely being by my side is not kindness Baby
Tell me goodbye, tell me goodbye

Tell me goodbye.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. I would rather not love if all whom I loved always get hurt. :\

My Own Way

2011-02-22T20:48:00.003+08:00

Dear, listen.

I gotta say what's on my mind.
There's something about us that doesn't seem right these days.

Life keeps getting in the way.
Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged.

It's so hard to say.
But, I've gotta do what's best for me.
You'll be okay.

I've got to move on and be who I am.
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand.
We might find a place in this world someday.
But at least for now, I gotta go my own way.

Don't wanna leave it all behind.
But I get my hopes up and I watch them fall everytime.

Another colour turns to gray and it's just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away..

I'm leaving today because I gotta do what's best for me.
You'll be okay.

I've got to move on and be who I am.
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand.
We might find a place in this world someday.
But at least for now, I gotta go my own way.

You know I never wanted to crush you..
I gotta leave but I'll miss you..
We might find a place in this world someday..
But at least for now, I gotta go my own way.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S.
I'm sorry I can't be your baby forever. :\
I never wanted to hurt you.
I'm sorry.. But, I love you.

Set your heart free dear.
One day, you'll find someone better than me. :]

Lies

2011-02-10T16:57:00.004+08:00

"Yea, I guess we're over."

I'm so sick of love songs.
Yeah, I hate them love songs.
Momento of ours.
Lie.

A night as rain is falling,
You come back to my memories,
I promised to be fine without you,
But I can't help it.
I drank the alcohol I can't drink,
But I still feel empty,
A day without you is too long,
I pray to forget you.

Without you,
I can't find happiness,
I can't even cry,
I don't want to live anymore,
It's pissing me off,
I'm going crazy,
I want to see you,
But, I can't,
It's over,
I'll be right there.

I'm so sorry but I love you,
It's all a lie,
Now I know I need you.
I'm so sorry but I love you,
Out of anger,
I pushed you away with my words.
I'm so sorry but I love you,
It's all a lie,
I'm so sorry,
But I love you,
I love you more more.
I'm sorry,
We shouldn't have broke up.

I dedicated my all into this song for you,
No one knew..
Alone..
Without anyone knowing..
I've been left alone,
Wandering through it all.
The breakup letter wrinkled,
Folded up in my pocket.
Where are you?
My habit of calling you..
I'll change..
I'll laugh everything off.

I'm so sorry but I love you,
It's all a lie,
Now I know I need you.
I'm so sorry but I love you,
Out of anger,
I pushed you away with my hurtful words.

I'm so sorry, but I love you.
I love you more more..
I'm so sorry, but I love you.
Will you leave me?
Forget me slowly so I can be in pain..

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. When you said "I love you" and I said "I believe", were those one of your lies?

Wedding Dress

2011-01-13T21:52:00.004+08:00

Baby, all the times we've had,
I kept my feelings wrapped,
I'll always ask myself,
"How did I lose her heart?"
Your love was in my reach,
But now, far far far gone,
I never thought that I would fall fall fall this hard.

I was afraid to tell you all the feelings in my heart,
Thinking that if I told you,
You and I would fall apart,
I hestitated,
And now our love is breaking,
'Cause you moved on and I'm still waiting.

Baby..
He won't ever love you like I do,
'Cause you should be my lady,
Waited for so long to say to you,
Come back to me.
It was so perfect in my dreams,
Don't you know that,
I'll always love you forever.
But baby,
When the church bells ring,
You know I wanted us to be there together.

Now you're in your wedding dress,

How could he be the one?

Now you're in your wedding dress,

Oh noo..

Now it all comes down to this,
Our love was such a bliss.
You've bless me with the best,
And now he wants in your heart.
I wanted you to know my heart bled bled bled for you,
But would he ever do the same same same for you?
We played this game called Love,
But how is it that I came out gone?
Wishing that this could have been real this time around, our love..
Tick tick, the time runs..
And I can't keep on it,
'Cause time won't tell,
Will I make it home?

Baby..
He won't ever love you like I do,
'Cause you should be my lady,
Waited for so long to say to you,
Come back to me.
It was so perfect in my dreams,
Don't you know that,
I will always love you forever.
But baby,
When the church bells ring,
You know I wanted us to be there together.

Now you're in your wedding dress,

How could he be the one?

Now you're in your wedding dress..

Well, I guess the time has come,
The veil has to come off.
He takes your hand, but baby,
Please don't say, "I do."
It's tearing me apart,
It's choking me,
It's piercing my heart and my soul.

Oh noo..

It was so perfect in my dreams,
Don't you know that,
I'll always love you forever.
But baby,
When the church bells ring,
You know I wanted us to be there together..

Now you're in your wedding dress..

How could he be the one?

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. It is true that to be TOGETHER, you have TO-GET-HER..

Perfect

2011-01-12T12:45:00.002+08:00

Forever more~

I nearly lost my mind,
Trying to figure out a way,
To make you understand,
I can't go on another day,
Maybe I was wrong,
Been confused and led astray,
Please give me one more chance,
'Cause I can't take what's happening..

Have you ever lost someone,
Try to take it back but the damage is done,
Thought of losing you makes me feel so sad,
How am I gonna sleep when I feel this bad?
I know enough is enough,
It's gonna be tough to get through this.

I'lll never be perfect,
I'll never be cool,
I'll always be nothing unless I'm with you,
'Cause you make me perfect,
Tell me, what can I do?
The pieces are missing when I 'm not with you..

I know that I deserve it,
But have you really lost all faith?
You know inside that we're worth it,
There's so much more for us to say,
Maybe I was lost,
Maybe I was just afraid,
Would you please forgive me?
And hold me back in your arms again~

Have you ever lost someone,
Try to take it back but the damage is done,
Thought of losing you makes me feel so sad,
How am I gonna sleep when I feel this bad?
I know enough is enough,
It's gonna be tough to get through this.

I'll never be perfect,
I'll never be cool,
I'll always be nothing unless I'm with you,
'Cause you make me perfect,
Tell me, what can I do?
The pieces are missing when I'm not with you..

Don't say nothing is perfect cause it isn't true,
Everything I see so clear with you,
Everything I dream of is with you,
Everything I need is here with you,
Everything will be so.. perfect.

I'll never be perfect,
I'll never be cool,
I'll always be nothing unless I'm with you,
'Cause you make me perfect,
Tell me, what can I do?
The pieces are missing when I'm not with you..

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Take My Hand

2011-01-09T16:00:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I feel like everybody's got a problem,
Sometimes I feel like nobody wants to solve them,
I know that people say we're never gonna make it,
But I know we're gonna get through this.

Close your eyes and please don't let me go,
Don't, don't, don't, don't let me go now,
Close your eyes, don't let me let you go,
Don't, don't, don't..

Take my hand tonight, lets not think about tomorrow,
Take my hand tonight, we can find some place to go,
'Cause our hearts are locked forever, and our love will never die,
Take my hand tonight one last time..

The city sleeps and we're lost in the moment,
Another kiss as we're lying on the pavement,
If they could see us they would tell us that we're crazy,
But I know, they just don't understand..

Close your eyes and please don't let me go,
Don't, don't, don't, don't let me go now..
Close your eyes, don't let me let you go,
Don't, don't, don't..

Take my hand tonight, lets not think about tomorrow,
Take my hand tonight, we can find some place to go,
'Cause our hearts are locked forever, and our love will never die,
Take my hand tonight one last time..

The rain drops and the tears keep falling,
I see your face and it keeps me going,
If I get lost your light's gonna guide me,
And I know that you can take me home..
You can take me home..

Take my hand tonight, lets not think about tomorrow,
Take my hand tonight, we can find some place to go,
'Cause our hearts are locked forever, and our love will never die,
Take my hand tonight one last time..

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Misery

2010-10-23T10:48:00.002+08:00

I am in misery.

There ain't nobody who can comfort me.

I told you once, I told you twice.

I hate her, please get her out from our lives.

How many times must I make this plea?

What can I do to make you see?

I am a girl with simple needs.

I want someone loyal, someone who made my given advices heeded.

But, you refused, you are stubborn.

You won't give a damn about my condition.

So if I leave, I bet you will play.

You may have another girlfriend someday.

You may not learnt what I told you,

So, all I can do is hope that she teach you.

I am tired,

I am sad.

I am dissapointed,

I am dead.

So, I let you go.

What will you do?

Nothing. I guess.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

The Answer

2010-08-02T21:41:00.003+08:00

I once heard a story from my friend regarding a person's soul after that particular person passed away. According to Chinese folklore and traditions, the soul would have to drink a cup of tea after surviving through a hell lot of punishment because of the evil deeds done in the past. This cup of tea would not only relinquish one's past memories, but also leave the soul a clean slate to turn over a new leaf.

There is one catch though. The soul must crossed a bridge. If this bridge senses one's attachment to something which will disturb the results of the cup of tea, the bridge will automatically dissapear on where one stood so that one may fall into the neverending bottom of darkness.

This particular soul which my friend told me about loved someone.
This particular soul which my friend told me about did not want to let go.
This particular soul which my friend told me about wanted their love to remain inside it forever.

Left with no other choice, this particular soul jumped into the deep ravine of darkness. Whether or not it hurts, this particular soul suffered emotional pain as its eyes saw its lover passed through the bridge and drank that cup of tea. It wanted to call out to its lover's soul, but the sound could not reach its' lover's ears.

This went on for thousand of years. The shattered soul suffered that "eternal" torture, waiting for the time it can be free again.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You asked me why I wanted you to be my dar.
The answer is simple.
However, if you wanted to be free and do not want me.. Then, go. I do not need you to be tied to my side if you feel like this.
But, if you wanted to be by my side..
If you love me as your dar..
This is the answer.
This is the truth.

I would have been that particular soul.
I would have suffered for you.
I would do all of this..
Because, I love you.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. And if you do not know how to cherish this kind of love.. I really do not know what to say lerr..

The Reason I Blog

2010-07-20T00:39:00.003+08:00

Actually, I was inspired to blog by my current moodswings.
Therefore, if they are emo.. It represented a very sad change in my life.
All the happy memories.. Well, they are all in my diary. =)

Therefore, due to the fact that I am causing the one I loved to be quite stress due to stupid comments by readers..

I will not blog any emo stuff lerr..

That is all for now.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Doubts and Wishes

2010-07-17T21:20:00.003+08:00

Doubts that crossed my mind these days..

Doubts that created a haze..

I wish all these doubts would go away..

And, leave me alone for a day.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How I wish that time would stop,

So that a bottle cannot even pop,

Then, I would have forever,

To love my precious lover.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Doubts are a part of life,

This is a fact that I cannot deny,

But, they are dangerous like a bee hive,

And will always haunt me at night.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And when time stops forever,

I wish our love will last for eternity,

So that we can slowly savour..

The sweet bliss of love in its form of purity.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And is these doubts that created me,

To become jealous that is so not from creativity,

This I apologize f0r I cannot help it,

Because my tears fall when I go to a corner and sit.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And when everything goes right,

It will bring us to a greater height,

For our love, I will fight,

Fight, fight, fight with all my might.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And time will tell me,

Whether my doubts increase or decrease,

And this I shall say to thee,

I know that we do not have eternity.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So doubts and wishes, together or apart,

They are just another being that lives in the dark,

For my wishes and doubts will all be in vain,

If I do not exist as your soul mate in your heart.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

My Death

2010-05-16T08:04:00.002+08:00

I feel trapped within my own body.

It is like my shell is confining the things within me, squeezing me until my heart hurts.

Soon, the ribcage will fall..

And, the bones attached together will fall apart..

And, my heart will finally be pierced.

I will feel the pain..

But, as I am sick.. I might dismissed it as another sickness..

And, as I go about my life..

The blood from my heart will flow away..

Rapidly.. Swiftly.. Never coming back.

The color from my face drain..

But, you might not even noticed it..

As you walk about.. Talking to people..

Not even glancing at me.

I feel unwanted..

As you discuss personal problems with others..

Especially girls..

Am I just thin air?

Or, is it because you fear I will be sad?

Your actions made me jealous..

Your actions made me sad..

I feel so pained..

That I wish that I was dead..

Do you know that?

For what is the use I share your life?

But, I can't even share your dreams and wants and needs with you?

Or, am I just invading your personal space?

Your ever-expanding personal space?

Your lies are the worst..

That, I can't deny.

It stabbed me through the heart..

Speeding the process faster and faster..

I just don't get it.

What in the world must you lie to me about?

Because you cannot told me the truth all the time?

Because you may protect me from being jealous?

Because you may protect me from being mad?

Especially at you?

As my heart bleeds faster..

Let me tell you this.

SURE.

You may protect me for awhile..

But, when I found out the truth from SOMEONE ELSE..

Your actions were not helping at all..

It is that sad. A scorpio's life.

Easily angered, easily jealous..

No matter how bad..

No matter how sad..

A scorpio always come back.

Because their heart was given away..

And no matter how you try to give it back..

It won't work..

Because it is yours for eternity..

Forever yours to keep.

So, my heart keeps on bleeding as I live out my life..

Unaware that I am dying..

Unaware that my life is ending..

As the final blow was given..

My heart throbs and contracted too much..

So much that you can say my heart just self-suicide..

I fell down on the empty road side..

No one was near enough..

No one noticed and give aid..

So, my last moments of death was spent on that particular roadside..

Tears flowing down my eyes..

My pain was infinity..

I wonder whether you would notice it..

Because our bond should be strong enough for you to notice..

I wonder whether I should hold on..

Just to catch another glimpsed of you..

Your hair..

Your eyes..

Your body..

Your warmth..

Your hands..

Your heart..

Your smile (although it may be impossible for you to do)..

Your voice..

Your words..

Just you.

I feel less attached now..

I can barely hear my own breathing..

I wanted to see you once more..

Just one glance..

Just gimme one second.

But, I just can't control..

My own death.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Happy Mothers' Day

2010-05-09T08:10:00.003+08:00

Actually, I don't really have much to say..

Except Happy Mothers' Day~!

This is a message to all the mothers out there, especially Ming Ming~! x3

Enjoy your day,

You only get it once a year,

Become gay,

But, don't enjoy it with a beer. =)

smile alwayzz..

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Random Poems

2010-04-24T22:34:00.004+08:00

At the moment
all hope is weak
and small.
Music and beauty
are salt in my sadness;
a white void rips through my ice.
Who could have said
that the angel of sex
was so sad?
or known desire
would melt this vast
winter night into
a flood of darkness.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The spring garden:
a ship of summer
swimming through
my winter vision.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A normal heart beats;
A wounded heart bleeds;
All in silence.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Would you make your mark
by mending a broken heart?
Would you shoot for the stars
regardless of who you are?
Would you do whatever it takes?
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is not my problem,
It couldn't be done,
My life is like a carved emblem,
My options? I got none.

I didn't ask for this,
I am totally pissed.

Actually, my feelings of anger left long ago,
Now, my energy is very low,
I feel so tired and sleepy,
This kind of attitude makes one feel creepy.

One blink, fatigue washes over,
Two blinks, spots appear like three-leaf clovers,
Three blinks, out comes a yawn,
And, here comes my ability to sleep till dawn.

Luckily, tears entered my eyes,
As I yawned and sighs,
I guess it is the time,
To Dreamworld: Goodbye.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked a mile with Pleasure,
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learnt from her,
When Sorrow walked with me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just realized that the deeper my love is for you, the more fragile it is..
I just realized that I may want to be with you, but my fear for your happiness is holding me back..
I just realized that although you are everything to me, I wonder whether I am everything to you..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I do not fear Death, I just fear the darkness that accompanies it..
The darkness that has no you..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every minute I am not with you, I realized the sands of time are slipping away..

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Love After Love

2010-04-11T11:39:00.002+08:00

The time will come

when, with elation,

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror,

and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Failure

2010-03-20T10:58:00.002+08:00

Failure, an everyday thing,
It comes to you and unexpectedly sings,
It jeers at you when you feel ashamed,
It always follow you when you felt pain.

Failure, an every moment feeling,
It makes your stomach goes reeling,
It claws at you when you tried escaping,
But you always fall and obey Him.

Failure, it gets stronger and stronger,
So strong that it now has a name,
So strong until it can survive in the world more longer,
So strong until it gains unwanted fame.

Failure, an unwanted companion,
It tastes sour like a bucket of lemons,
It doesn't know when to bug off,
And for us, He is hard to ignore.

Failure, the oil for arguments,
It burns to arguments like fire to documents,
It makes heart aches and wrinkles appear,
It always face us with a sneer.

Failure, Death's best friend,
It follows us until the end,
Then Death will take his' place,
And will follow our dying pace.

Failure, so shameful and ugly,
The sight of it makes our feet wobbly,
But when it sings and if we really hear,
This is what will come to our ears.

"Get up, get out, don't give up!
Open your ears and listen up!
For when you fail, it is not the end,
For it is now time to start again."

So is Failure good or bad?
No one knows until they are dead.
But one thing I did learn from this,
We can't solve problems when we are pissed.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Waiting for Time to Pass

2010-02-18T10:51:00.004+08:00

On the first day,
I listened to whatever you say,
Because I knew that you will be gone travelling,
While I sit here pondering.

As time passed and days flew by,
I was surprised I did not cry,
Then realisation hit me,
And I drop down to my knees.

I could not cry no matter how hard I try,
Even though we said our byes,
Because when you left Malaysia,
You also took my heart along with you as you travel to somewhere in Asia.

I tried and tried to hug myself,
And I tried and tried to maintain my health,
But no matter how hard I try,
I feel like I want to cry.

Because I did something wrong,
And I can write my mistake into a song,
I am scared when you come back,
And then I will turn into a wreck.

Because I could not cry no matter how hard I try,
Even though we said our byes,
Because when you left Malaysia,
You also took my heart along with you as you travel to somewhere in Asia.

And this left me as an ice queen,
A lean, mean, no feeling, fighting machine,
I did not need to struggle to fight,
Because a "Me" with no feelings has increased my height.

But, left with no soul had I done one wrong,
And I can write my mistake into a song,
I knew when you come back, my feelings would return,
And then I would feel as though I had been burned.

Because I could avoid the mistake I have made,
I could have avoid turning someone into an "egg",
Now what is done has been done,
I feel like I just want to run and run.

Oh, why can't I cry when I want to cry
even though we said our byes,
Because when you left Malaysia,
You also took my heart along as you travel to somewhere in Asia.

And this left me as a merciless ice queen,
A lean, mean, no feeling, fighting machine,
Walking through the depths of a poor man's heart,
And destroying him with just one touch.

Oh.. How cruel can I be?
I had just wanted company.
Now, a man I left lying almost dead,
As he was slowly eaten by rats.

Now, I am at home sitting on the couch,
Everytime I think of it, I always say "Ouch",
As it was an incident that I could prevent,
And I just can't pretend..
That I undirectly killed this man.

It is not my fault that he wanted to come,
For he wanted to be with me no matter what is the outcome,
He wanted us to be a couple, something I cannot do,
For my heart won't forgive if I live without you.

Oh, why can't I cry when I want to cry
even though we said our goodbyes?
Because when you left Malaysia,
You took my heart along with you as you travel to somewhere in Asia.

The poor guy haunted me in my dreams,
He reminded me of a last year scene,
But as I run away, I knew I will fail,
Even when I drink a lot of cups of ales.

For my decision will haunt me to death,
Why had I chose the right when I could just choose left?
For my feelings will return when you come back,
And that is when I hope you can live without me even when I am dead.

Why, oh why, can't I cry
even though we said our goodbyes?
Now I "killed" a man and you might not be pleased,
Please forgive me and let everything ceased.

Now, I am all alone,
Always sitting here and there as I hold the phone,
I am waiting for time to pass,
So that I can finally meet you again at last.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

The Mafia Song

2010-02-02T18:51:00.002+08:00

Ahem. Test. Test. 1. 2. 3~!

Pay me a rupee,
and your butt will be kicked by a rookie.

Pay me a cent,
and your car will get a dent.

Pay me a RM,
and you won't have any more ATM.

Pay me a dollar,
and your shirt won't have a collar.

Pay me a yen,
and I might even lend.

Pay me a pound,
and you will need to get a crown.

Pay me your gate,
and you are not worth the wait.

Pay me your TV,
and you will need a CRV.

Pay me your Porche,
and you will get torched.

Pay me your maid,
and you will still be bait.

Pay me your mom,
and you will get a tomb.

Pay me your dad,
and you will be dead.

Pay me your son,
and you will be selling buns.

Pay me your daughter,
and you will hear my lust-ful laughter.

Pay me your wife,
and you will get your life.

Pay me your life,
and you might get half-price.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. Moral of the story: Never borrow money, especially from the mafia bosses.

Emo ღ Sayings from the Heart~

2010-01-23T15:35:00.002+08:00

Maybe it is true.. I just can't live without you..

If you love something, set it free;
If it comes back, it is meant to be.

Would you rather die knowing that you love him,
Or would you rather die knowing that he doesn't love you?

The fire and wood.
The glass cup and water.
The fire and moth.
You and me.

Time to say goodbye,
Time to start to cry,
Time to create some lies,
Time to let my heart die..

I love you.
I need you.
I want you.
I obey you.
I heard you.
I let you.
I helped you.

You hate me.
You used me.
You played me.
You ordered me.
You angered me.
You stop me.
You killed me.

I really, really love you.. But, can't you feel that my heart is hurting so much?

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Predicting the Future

2010-01-14T21:50:00.004+08:00

I wonder what the future has in store for me,
Especially when you are located across the sea.

Would I feel lonely like I do every time you are not here?
Or would I find amusement throughout those 5 years?

Would I be willing to live on with my life?
Or would I be willing to make a sacrifice?

Would I be willing to sustain my own selfish needs?
Or would I be willing to do a major good deed?

Would I feel frustrated although you are dear?
Or would I feel accompanied over a few buckets of beer?

Would I feel lifeless when I can't hear your voice?
Or would I feel alive when I hear a lot of noise?

Would I manage to survive throughout years of rumours?
Or would I be dead by the time this is over?

No matter how long you are gone or how long this may takes,
I am ready to have my heartbreak.

Because I almost lost you again and again,
and this had made me think over again and again.

I love you. That's all I can say.
So, no matter what, I will stay.

If you love another, I will be in your shadows,
Protecting you as you run freely through meadows.

If you are married and have a family,
I guess I have no choice..
But to grow old until I am a granny.

I guess this is my fate,
As I long ago took your bait.

So, as you prepare to bid me goodbye,
I won't go and send you off..
Because I don't want to hold you back when I cry.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Changes~

2010-01-10T10:32:00.004+08:00

Since the new year started 10 days ago, I thought there would be little change in school life.

I thought, we would sit in our old places and chatted about the holidays.
I thought, I could hear many experiences and stories from my friends.
I thought, time would past as fast as usual.

But, reality slapped me quite hard in the face.

One of the changes that happened to me was the fact that my private van to school was full with students. Everyday, I barely made it to school in time.

The other one was the fact that my circle of friends had some disturbing changes..
People who were close to me became distant..
People who were distant to me.. well, remained distant.
The exceptions were the ones who sat at our usual morning table in the canteen.
Dar.. Lemon.. Joshua..
They were the ones I relied and trusted the most.
Luckily, they were also one of the few who remained constant and have little change. x3

It seems that this year's change hit me quite hard in the face.
I knew change happens all the time, but a change this big sweeps me off my feet.

The only thing that I do know is that I am ambivalent about this change.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. This pretty sums up my first post for the year 2010.

Sketches of My Life (past & future)

2009-11-17T09:48:00.004+08:00

1st November 2009
It is Pei Qi's 15th birthday today. I wish her a belated happy birthday. =)

5th November 2009
My mind has been bugging me lately to call pet bro, Beng Guan. It's been a long time since we chatted.

7th November 2009
Frowned at the fact that I still sleep in Mr. Kean's class.

11th November 2009
Skipped school today. =) Not surprised since I had been skipping school lately. Went to Sunway Pyramid and saw Rachel do a split while ice skating. Sukesh's word were also true. =) A policeman do randomly spot check on buses, and the bus that I was on with friends were his "lucky" pick of the day.

14th November 2009
Almost forgot that today was Siew Yee's birthday. =) Decided in the end to be one of the last to call her. =)

15th November 2009
Today was Yee Hliang's birthday. I wonder whether I was one of the first to wish him happy birthday?

16th November 2009
Today was the last day of school for this year. For 4S1/2009, only 12 people came that day. Spent most of my time walking around school, visiting Joshua's class, kidnapping his bag and playing Scrabble with people I do not know. x3 After school, we went to watch 2012 - a must-watch, touching movie (better than The Knowing, Yee Hliang! ^^).

17th November 2009
Sitting in my chair after exercising updating my poor, dusty blog. x3

18th November 2009
Tuition.

19th November 2009
Probably with Lee Min and Joshua baking in Lee Min's house. =)

20th November 2009
Consure go back to hometown. x3 Will dar join me on this 3 days 2 night trip is still a mystery to me.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

hAppY biRtHDaY~! x3

2009-10-04T11:53:00.004+08:00

" Two less lonely people in the world and it's gonna be fine..

Out of all the people in the world..

I just can't believe you are mine~

In my life where everything was wrong,

Something finally went right!

Now there's two less lonely people in the world.. tonight. "

This song was first heard when I first realised that I love you. It is weird, but as I sang along.. I felt myself and my heart smiled. I felt.. contentment.

Because finally,

I found the one that can make me smile, regardless of the situation.

I found the one that can make me feel safe and comfortable whenever I am with the one.

I found the one that can accompany me through many situations at any given time.

Whenever lonely, your chatter through the phone, MSN or words will remind me that I am not alone in this cruel, harsh world.

Since then, you had changed. You do not give me your full attention anymore. You began exploring towards others and have a wider circle of friends of your own. You have more activities, and is sometimes very busy. I may have felt jealous and lonely, but I am glad that you had grown a lot, and at least mature a lot since then.

Now, on this fateful day which comes once in a year.. You are now officially 16. A lot had happened since we first met.

You made me realised that words were just words although promises must always be kept.

You made realised how valuable love is and how fragile my heart can be.

You taught me many things and although I sometimes forget, I am still learning.

Nevertheless, thank you for being in my life. I am thankful and grateful that you chose me in Form Two and stayed beside me through hard and easy times.

So, today is your day. Enjoy it and live it to the fullest. ;p

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Clouded Mind

2009-09-06T11:51:00.004+08:00

Doubts clouded my mind. It has been a while since I last updated my blog. However, I guess there is nothing for me to type lately.

Or maybe it was because the words that I had wanted to say were impossible to typed?

Anyhow, I just wish that time would just stop and that we can all live in the moment.

In the moment,

when we do not have to worry about diseases.
when we do not have to worry about death.
when we do not have to worry about complicated things.

Somehow, I felt that I am becoming more distached and distant from life itself. I felt like every sap of energy is being slowly sucked away from me. I kept wondering what life has in store for me..

Especially when someone dear to me may just leave anytime God wants him to.

It seems that there is more to life than it truly is. But, what is the importance of it when you can't share it with someone you really love?

I. Am. Crapping. Again.

But, seriously..

Just leave me alone for now..

I am slowly preparing for the biggest shock of my life.

Because when it comes, my soul will surely die.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S.

She feels so alone, with no one to hold,
She hides all her thoughts, pretend to be bold;
No one knows how she feels at night,
No one knows how close she is losing this fight.

She sits alone in her little room,
With the blade in her hand erasing her gloom;
The scars can't be seen as she tries her best to hide,
No one ever knows how she is feeling inside.

She feels confused why does he treat her like dirt?
She doesn't understand why she is always getting hurt.
No matter what she does, no matter what she tries,
She always seem to fall and believe his lies.

She can't seems to understand what she has done?
She thought it was worth it, but this hasn't been fun.
She has thought of ending her messed-up life,
But how would he feel, knowing that she turned to the knife?

She feels like suicide is the only escape.
How can she explain that around her a black cloud had begin to drape?
She is lost in this world with nothing to do but to let go,
How can she hold on when she lost herself a long time ago?

She can't explain why she feels this way,
All she knows is, this feeling can no longer stay.
She hates herself, pure destuction at risk,
So why not end it before someone saw the scars at her wrists?

Self-hatred has come over her until she no longer could pretend,
How can she loves herself when all she wants is the end?
She doesn't know why as there is no way to explain,
What caused someone to used her and cause herself such pain.

There's a puzzle in her head that she's afraid to admit,
If she put the pieces together, will she realised that this is it?
Could depression be the reason that this black cloud started to follow,
Which made her feel so worthless, destructive, hollow and so emo?

Because all she wanted was to stay by his side,
As she forced her fear to hide,
She knows that there is little time left,
Until it is both their deaths.

*I seriously just want to be the only one you love. I want to feel that I am being loved with all your heart. I just want to stay by your side forever. But, there's no such thing as forever.. Is there?

And with that, tears just slid down her face.

Lost (again~!)

2009-08-16T17:16:00.002+08:00

I lost my home.
My only home.

I lost my love.
Where did it go?

I lost my friendship.
The flavour is bitter.

I am lost.
But, now I know..

That I lost everything there is to know.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S.

It's over and done.
But, the heartache lives on inside..

And who's the one you're clinging to?
Instead of me, tonight..

And where are you now?
Now that I need you.

Tears on my pillow..
Wherever you go.

You never see me fall apart,
In the words of a broken heart..

It's just emotion that's taking me over..
Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul..

True Friends to The End

2009-07-24T21:04:00.005+08:00

What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone, you had to say "goodbye"?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone, they would never be there?

What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy, there would be 10 moments of sadness?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?

What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else and you could never have them?

Some people live and some people die.

We might be best friends one year,
pretty good friends the next,
don't talk that often the next year,
and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just wanted to say that even if I never talk to you again in my life,
you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.

I look up to you,
respect you,
and truly cherish you.

Lastly, I want to tell you that I love you and you are a true friend..

That I would always be here for you when and if you need me..

If I died tomorrow, you would be in my heart forever.

Would I be in yours?

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S.
This is dedicated to all of my friends.
Enjoy reading.

rAnd0M tHouGhTs

2009-07-09T10:42:00.008+08:00

#^@%$!

I hate everything in life.
Except for a few things and people who are the reason why I am still living this idiotic life.

I hate life.
Where there are stupid rules and stupid people.

I hate that pain.
The pain that hurt many of those that I cared.

I hate myself.
Especially when I could not help those that I cared.

I hate myself.
For breaking so many peoples' hearts.

I hate myself.
For hating myself.

I hate my sister.
For annoying me like there's no tomorrow.

I hate it.

I hate all.

I don't want to be left alone.

Yet, just leave me alone!

I don't want this headache.

Yet, let this headache force me into an endless sleep.

I don't want to hate.

Yet, I still can't anyway.

I don't want to express.

Yet, I know that after this last post.. There will be no more posts like this.

I don't want you pained by him.

Yet, I still can't stop the relationship between the both of you.

Idiotic moron damn stupig dang useless fucking asshole sucker life!

Who the %$#@! wants to care about you anyway?

I am going to die anyway.

According to a source, it is one day after my ex's birthday on the year 2013.

Hmmph. No one cares anyway. Why am I crapping here? =="

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Challenge

2009-07-04T11:49:00.002+08:00

As you all know, it is an English word.

Ok. I am sounding like a retard.

Now, it's the time to shine. It's time to show the world what I meant by challenge.

Are you ready for it?

Curiosity that makes us move forward in life,
Hungrily stalking our goals because wishes to thrive,
Always adventurous wherever we go,
Loving everything, especially from boss to bow,
Liking adventures from A to Z,
Energetic like a bee,
No complaints or regrets,
God helps us whenever He cans,
Elegant is the beginning, just like its end.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. As time slowly slips away, I know my end is drawing near..

Tagged (thrice~) T.T - Narongrit's Ver.

2009-06-23T22:29:00.002+08:00

1. The person who tag you : Narongrit

2. Your relationship with him/her is : friend

3. Your first impression of him/her is : new guy in class?

4. The most memorable moments with he/she is : LM's Leadership Camp

5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you is : "You are okay.. Except that you said a lot of weird things.. " < something like that which made me laugh like siao..

7. If he/she became your lover, what should he/she improve that : see first barhx~

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, what will you do : Just treat him the same? =="

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be : No idea. - will ask this next time if it does happens..

10. The most desired things you want to do for him/her now is : kill him for tagging me.. x3 No larhx~ Wish him the best in life.

11. Your overall impression on him/her is : cool guy with a kind heart

12. The characteristic you hate most about yourself : can't make myself shut up when I am supposed to..

13. The most ideal person you want to be is : carefree

14. For people who care and love you, say something to them : tell me who you are and I will tell you the answer. x3

15. Pass this quiz to 10 people who want to know how they feel about you :-
1. Qi Le
2. Phua Li Yin
3. Amy
4. Ken
5. Jun
6. Sukesh
7. Wan
8. Ley Kuan
9. Ida
10. Ee Ying

16. Who is 6 having relationship with?
No idea.

17. Is 9 a male or a female?
Female.

18. What is 2 studying at the moment?
Lower Secondary Level.

19. Who was the last person you had a chat with?
Based on the 10 people I tagged: Ken
In real life: Dar~

20. What kind of music does 8 like?
No idea.

21. Does 1 have any sibling?
Yes.

22. Is 4 single?
Yes.

23. What is the surname of 5?
Tan.

24. What's the hobby of 3?
No idea.

25. Do 7 and 9 get along well?
They might if they know each other.

26. Where is 10 studying at?
CHS

27. Say something casual about your eyes :
Windows of my soul - normally unreadable.

28. Have you tried developing feelings for 2?
No.

29. Where does 9 lives?
Outside SMK Taman Sea.

30. What colour does 4 like?
No idea..

31. Are 5 and 1 good friends?
Think so.

32. Does 2 like 7?
No.

33. How did you get to know 8?
1A3/2007

34. Does 3 have any pets?
No idea.

35. Is 7 the sexiest person in the world?
I don't know.

36. Are you sexy?
Yes. f3 Hahax~ Only if I dress the look. =)

37. What am i doing now?
Doing this stupid quiz. =="

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Tagged (again~) - Yee Hliang's Ver.

2009-06-23T22:09:00.002+08:00

1. The person who tagged you : Low Yee Hliang

2. Your relationship with him/her is : Friends

3. Your first impression of him/her is : Erm.. He's a guy that is chatting with us?

4. The most memorable moments with he/she is :During LM's Anniversary

5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you is : A lot.. ==" Which one do you want? (although most of them is him scolding me for being a retard.. T.T)

7. If he/she became your lover, what should he/she improve that : Not being emo. f3 ( why is the maker of this quiz so curious?)

8. If he/she becomes your enemy, what will you do : Just treat him the same. ( what's the difference?)

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be : No idea. (maybe I will ask in the future if we became enemies..)

10. The most desired things you want to do for him/her now is : Buy him an anti-depression pill and a genie in a bottle..

11. Your overall impression on him/her is : Unpredictable Guy

12. The characteristic you hate most about yourself : Unable to help those who are suffering and who's heart was broken by me.. ><"

13. The most ideal person you want to be is : someone with healing powers.. =)

14. For people who care and love you, say something to them : tell me who you are, and I will tell you the answer. =)

Tagging..

Kor~
Laopo~
4s1's Moderator. ;)

tO b3 conTinu3d..

The Ugly Truth

2009-06-19T18:30:00.003+08:00

BEFORE MARRIAGE

John - Ah.. At last.. I can hardly wait.

Jane - Do you want me to leave?

John - NO! Don't even think about it!

Jane - Do you love me?

John - Of course. Always have and always will.

Jane - Have you ever cheated on me?

John - NO! Why are you even asking?

Jane - Will you kiss me?

John - Every chance I get.

Jane - Will you hit me?

John - Hell no! Are you crazy?!

Jane - Can I trust you?

John - Yes.

Jane - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE

Read from the bottom back to the top.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's sad how love died in marriages nowadays. Somehow, I just feel like I don't want to get married and party all day and just live in the moment.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S.

- Tears are part of love, being in love means being in pain.

- “When your heart is on fire,
You must realise,
Smoke gets in your eyes.”

GUILTY or INNOCENT

2009-06-08T17:30:00.005+08:00

RULE 1: You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2: You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks! ( So, if you want an explanation.. Please comment.)

Now, here's what you're supposed to do... And please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers, type in your answers and tag 20 of your friends to answer this. Then see what happens.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Asked someone to marry you?
Innocent

Kissed one of your Facebook friends?
Guilty

Danced on a table in a bar?
Innocent

Ever told a lie?
Guilty

Had feelings for someone whom you can't have back?
Guilty

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?
Guilty

Kissed a picture?
Innocent

Slept in until 5 PM?
Innocent

Fallen asleep at work/school?
Guilty

Held a snake?
Innocent

Been suspended from school?
Guilty

Worked at a fast food restaurant?
Innocent

Stolen from a store?
Guilty

Been fired from a job?
Innocent

Done something you regret?
Guilty

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
Guilty

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Innocent

Kissed in the rain?
Innocent

Sat on a roof top?
Innocent

Kissed someone you shouldn't?
Innocent

Sang in the shower?
Guilty

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
Innocent

Shaved your head?
Innocent

Slept naked?
Innocent

Had a boxing membership?
Innocent

Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
Guilty

Been in a band?
Innocent

Shot a gun?
Guilty

Donated Blood?
Innocent

Eaten alligator meat?
Innocent

Eaten cheesecake?
Guilty

Still love someone you shouldn't?
Innocent

Have/had a tattoo?
Guilty

Liked someone, but will never tell who?
Guilty

Been too honest?
Innocent

Ruined a surprise?
Innocent

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you can't walk afterwards?
Guilty

Erased someone in your friends list?
Innocent

Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy) or man's clothes (if your a girl)?
Innocent

Joined a pageant?
Innocent

Been told that you're handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said?
Guilty

Had communication with your ex?
Guilty

Dating Someone?
Guilty

Get totally drunk one night and you have an important exam tomorrow morning?
Innocent

A total stranger treat you by paying your public transportation fare?
Innocent

Get totally angry that you cried so hard?
Innocent

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Tags: First 19 people who reads this and Wong Qi Le (who tagged me)

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.s.

“Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable.

It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you.

They didn't ask for it.

They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages.

It gets inside you.

It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts.

Not just in the imagination.

Not just in the mind.

It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

“I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you.”

Lembaga Maintenance's Leadership Camp 2009

2009-06-04T20:28:00.045+08:00

-proudly presented to you by a Catholic High School form 4 student- (bahasa rojak)

Hi. As you all know by now, my name is Kristy. I am also a form 4 member who joined Catholic High School's Lembaga Maintenance since form 1. =)

Recently, a camp was organised by this club at Nur Lembah Pangsun, Hulu Langat, Selangor. And yes, this post will be dedicated for this once-in-a-lifetime amazing trip.

So, please sit back and enjoy reading. ^^

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the 1st day

The cold wind from my mum's car's air conditioner engulfed me, but I took little notice as the rate of my heartbeat became twice as fast as it normally would. The brown pupils of my eyes took in the scenary before me: people hurried everywhere they go as they quickly rushed to finish their tasks. Some were seen labelling their belongings with their group's coloured ribbon or string whereas some overlook the scene while giving out orders to other people. My body became stiff as this was the destination for that 6 a.m. on 1st of June, 2009.

The gold Honda CRV that my mum drove did a mini U-turn in the tapak perhimpunan so that I do not have to go so far just to drop the belongings that are in my mother's car boot. The safety belt was unlatched as I then opened the car door and went down to arrange and put my stuff at the line where all Red members were supposed to put their belongings.

That morning, we were briefed by the committees about the camp and what we are supposed to do that during the duration of our stay. We were reminded that it was the time to prove ourselves as future leaders and to jaga the maruah diri of our club and school. We were also told that each of us would have a Guardian Angel to guide each of us, and in turn, we must also become someone else's Guardian Angel. =)

Sadly, we could not choose or be chosen as it was already done by the committees. Then, they told us how the whistle works. Whenever one committee blowed the whistle:-

1 time : the head of the group must go forward

2 times: the head and the assistant head of the group must go forward

3 times: everybody must line up and the slogan of the group and the tepukan must be done by the whole group with high volume and in high spirits

Furthermore, we were each given 2 books (rule and explanation book and diary) and 2 eggs (one normal egg and one bird egg). These must be included in the Safe Keeping along with our name tags and group flag which will be checked by committees when they felt like it. Furthermore, they asked to do our tepukan and shout our slogan after 3 rounds around the tapak perhimpunan.

My eardrums almost burst when each of the 6 groups ( Red, Orange, Blue, Green, Yellow, and Purple) did that. It was not only confusing, but also messy. ==" In fact, we got a scolding from the committees and were ordered to set it right. Everybody rushed like siao as we began our training. In the end, we did it until the committees were satisfied. Before we carried all our belongings to the bus, we were given breakfast of ham bun and one bottle of mineral water. We also saw how the committees punish us by asking latecomers to pump (males) and pull ears (females) . Now, I know why they asked us to train our stamina, especially the guys.

We, Saphira members (Red Group) sat with the Lilac Flames (purple) and another group in the same bus. Because we get to go on the bus first, we manage to take the backseats, where cold air loves to hang out. Anyway, sitting around me were my other group members. Oh, wait. I have not introduced you to them.

Red Group

Committees-in-charge: Ong Chang Meng - C17

Dennis - D24

Head: Narongrit - Draco

Assistant Head: Yee Sim - Pika

Members: Ka Yean - Sky, Jian Fei - Fei Ge, Me - Kimchi, Wen Yiang - L, Sau Wei - Winter, Pau Yee - Emo and Amy - Meow.

It was quite boring as all we did was memorised quotes and discussed about our drama as the buildings, cars and advertisements boards passed by. In good time, we reached the camp where we unloaded our belongings. Many of us had to take more than 2 rounds to fetch all our belongings, which not only included the stuff we need to use for three days, it also included our ingredients for that day's lunch.

Then, we then take all that we could carry towards LDK 6 which will be the place where we will gather most for the next three days. As we passed by many buildings, I caught a glimpsed of Zhi Jian observing all of us. Not only that, I was shocked at the maintenance of the buildings, especially the toilets that we females have to used for bathing and relieving ourselves. It was disgusting and it had an eerie aura.

However, we were then asked to stay in a camp which can only consists of three people. I shared a tent with Eunice and Pi Lian. After that, we prepared our lunch. Some groups started early and manage to start the fire. However, I was assigned to the task of cleaning and cutting the vegetables, including the brinjals and bitter gourds which were extra compulsory ingredients given to us for our cooking by the committees. Therefore, my memory of this competition was of me cutting the vegetables as fast as I could. In fact, I was also assigned to take care of the food which was ready at LDK 6.

Then, we were allowed to eat after the dishes were introduced by each of the groups. Our fish and Ribena was adored whereas our poor chickens were rejected by Dennis as it was not cooked properly. After that, Talent Time began which included us introducing and explaining about our group's flag, T-shirts, name tags and face painting. The questions and criticising that was shot at us reminded me of the way they talked to me during LM's post-mortem about the LM Anniversary.

Anyway, my menstruation prevented me from joining the next activity of the day - kayaking. The camp guide taught us how to build a kayak just by using tyres, planks of wood and strings. However, the limited resources limited to three groups per kayak. As my group tied the strings almost finished tying the strings, the committees suddenly changed their minds and asked us to go to the other's kayak. The kayak that was given to us was not even tied properly in many places. We booed and rejected but, carried on with determination and speed. However, we were unable to finish it in time.

This was where the committees taught us our first lesson: the world is unfair.

Then, we were then asked to race each other on the lake in the middle of the camp ground. As I could not participate, I could only show my support by shouting for my group. In the end, my group won although I kena marah by the committees for shouting and disturbing others. And then, we were asked to do the most frustrating and irritating thing - to bathe in 25 minutes. I hated this activity because it really brings me a lot of trouble although the feeling at the end is satisfying.

Then, a Treasure Hunt began. Surprisingly, this was where we learnt our second lesson: bathing at camp = didn't bathe at all because we sweat in the end. However, everyone began and torchlights flashed here and there as we began searching for clues to the next clue. After a simple dinner, there was a Public Speaking held. Each topic was different for everyone. I find this quite a headache as we have to think of the isi for each topic until our name was called for the particular topic. My topic which was given to me was "Emotion".

Time flies so fast and before I knew anything, Solo Drop began. The activity which caused all our hearts to raced and our breaths began quickly and shallow as we listened to the forest guide's advice. The key word given to us was "Batu" along with a number for each individual. My number was 35. And then, the walk began on that dark night. It was starless and cloudy, and the atmosphere was tensed and quiet. We tried to keep up with each other as we were involved in our thoughts during the 15 minutes walk.

Anyway, the lights that were seen was rare as the only sources are only lamp posts and hand-held torchlights by the forest guide and his helpers. You might be asking - where is your torchlight? Well, our torchlights were kept by the committees to prevent cheating in this game. Solo Drop was meant to test our bravery and I hope, obedience. However, lets get on with the explanation then. =)

The chirping of the many unseen insects that lurk around in the night had decided to gather that night and to form an orchestra for their rare visitors to the jungle at night time.The volume for the highly musical notes increased rapidly when we were at the outskirts of the tropical jungle. There, we trekked through uneven stone paths for another few minutes before the "dropping" begans.

I felt someone tapped me by the shouder when it was my turn, and went to sit on the patch of grass that his torchlight had shone onto the ground. Hugging the my dad's bag which were full of necessities in case the unthinkable happens, I sat down without thinking twice and just looked straight towards the patch of stones by the side of the rocky path. my mind was blurred, and my eyesight could not really focus as Fatigue had come to claim me for the time being. My mind became alert as I heard footsteps walking behind me, but I brushed it off as I fell into a light sleep.

However, I woke up (after who knows how long) and the"orchestra" which was not so disturbing just now became more and more irritating to my ears. I began wishing that I can be "picked up" quickly by the forest guide as my feet became increasingly numb and I began to feel increasingly bored. Occasionally, I saw people walked past and I saw torchlights in the distance. Whether or not they exist in the real world, I dare not confirm. In fact, the boredom and the weak image received and interpreted by my brain had led my sense of hearing became increasingly sharp.

The cold wind blew against my back and around me made me thank Ka Yean silently for advising me to wear my jacket before taking this trip to the forest. And then, I thought I heard Chze Zheng called my name. Furthermore, I heard flutes (the recorders taught to us by teachers during our primary school days) were heard being played back and forth along this road. My eyes stared with surprise as I remembered the frightening dream I had almost two months ago.

I began chanting and praying. The feeling of me having to be alive and living through this was strong as I remembered I have left many things back home, uncompleted and unsaid. I waited and waited before I saw a light at the right hand-side of me. I could only looked at it weakly, wishing that the guy was finally here to pick me up. It came nearer and nearer, and this light of hope made me more and more anxious. Finally, after what seems like an hour, it was finally my turn.

The guy knelt in front of me and shone the torchlight straight at my face. He asked the keyword and wanted the paper which my number was written on it. I gave him and joined the line at the back. As I held Ka Yean's hand tightly, tears of relieve ran down my cheeks. I have finally made it through this frightening task. I have finally made it without succumbing to my fears and running away. And from this experience, I had made it back to camp.

Stronger than before.

Braver than before.

Grateful than before.

The walk back was less tensed as many of us tried to chat a little before reaching camp. As most of us were tired, the concerned committees had already hired a jeep for us to be taken back, jeep by jeep. For me, I was one of the last to be taken back. The ride was uneventful and breezy, and I was sad it all had to end. The committees then briefed us at LDK 6 about the rules and regulations of the night before asking us to turn in for the night.

the 2nd day

Hmm.. They woke us up with the whistle and we went jogging around the lake as ordered. It wasn't bad as I had wanted to lose calories. However, the only thing that was rejecting this action were my muscles and body ache. After breakfast, all of us embarked on the awaited journey - jungle trekking. Yes, it means we have to walk through paths and roads towards our destination - a waterfall situated in the middle of a jungle. The journey was tiring, and we went through the same path where we had went for Solo Drop last night. In fact, we went through puddles of waters, raging leeches, fallen leaves and bamboos and cool and clear rivers just to reach the waterfall.

The journey towards the waterfall was quite peaceful. I get to see the greens of the leaves of the trees surrounding us, a scenary which could not be seen in the dark hours of the night the night before. I get to breathe cool and pure forest air, which is a big difference from the city air which we were used ti breathing in. I get to walk away all my calories and fat, an action which could not done in the normal routine of my daily life.

After crossing three rivers, we reached the waterfall. It was kind of worth it when you get to see the joyful faces of the members around you as they have fun splashing and pumping (?!) in the cold water. In fact, only a handful were attacked by unwanted leeches. The walk back was a little bit extreme as the difficulties we encountered on our way up are a bit harder to cross on our way down. However, with the teamwork and determination shown by all, we manage to reach the outskirts of the jungle and had began trekking up the tar road leading towards our camp site in good time.

Then, there was the time when each group must performed a drama. The committees that had given us 9 characters and 1 narrator had expected us to include all of the characters inside. With teamwork and confidence, we passed this drama with ease. After this, we were brought to the lakeside so that a person-in-charge can teach us how to use a lifejacket properly, how to dive into the water in an emergency etc. It was fun, and the lake water was a bit green but normal to our body temperature.

There was also an event called Amazing Race which is something like the real Amazing Race which can be watched on the idiot box every now and then. The rules and the game is almost the same. It involves determination, speed, teamwork and knowledge, something which we are all familiar about. Therefore, I am not going so deep into this.

And then, the time came for the Team Building event. The committees asked us each group to built a 80cm straw tower that not only can hold an egg in place, but to also not fall down when it was being blown by Zhen Xuan. Worse still, we had to communicate with each other for 10 minutes using only our body language as our mouths cannot be used. Despite the obstacles that faced us, I must admit that our group did a great work creating and designing it without using our mouths. In fact, although the Galleons' (Green Team) tower would not even move, I still think Saphira's tower is quite amazing as the structure of the building is unique.

After that, the committees built a huge camp fire on the Tai Chi Plains and made all of us, ex-committees and Mdm. Chia Pick Kwan and Mdm. Teh Sau Leng to gather there for a fun time. The committees taught us how to dance a new dance and how to the dance to the music of a chinese song. It was too bad that the rain had to interrupted our fun time. That was when everybody rushed back to LDK 6 and a towel was passed around to dry our hairs.

Hmm.. After that, it was Camper's Reflection. Each group including the Yellow Warriors (Yellow Group), Blue Eagles (Blue Group) and Maple (Orange Group) sat in one circle and hear about another one's reflection and thoughts. Of all the people in my group, Dennis' comment struck me the most.

"I prefer the Ulang you."

It's true actually. I also preferred the Ulang me. The only difference between then and now was that I was struck by many emotions in between. I could not handle most of it all at once and had decided to become emo. I was tired of all those tears and the pain that my heart felt. And, I know very well how this will affect me during Leadership Camp - the perfect time to prove ourselves. To tell the truth, the pain I felt was also one of the reasons why I cried easily these days.

Dennis.

Chang Meng.

I don't know whether I had read wrongly, but I thought I saw dissapointment in your eyes.

Dissapointment that I did not live up to my standards as a leader and as an assistant that helped my group to achieve greatness.

Dissapointment that there was almost no life in me or in my soul.

I am sorry. It won't happen again. I promise you.

When the right time comes again, you will see that I have changed into someone who is deemed worthy.

But, for now.. Lets get on with the camp. Where am I?

the 3rd day

The last day of camp. It was wanted, yet unwanted. As usual, we jogged around the lake before heading up to highlands to play Mission Impossi-ball. The game is almost like Dodgeball. However, we have to protect our own Penasihat otherwise we will also lose. After much screaming, clapping, cheering, sweating and searching, the winner was announced. It was Saphira!

Ohm Saphira! Ohm Saphira! Ohm, Ohm, Ohm Saphira! ^^

After moving all our luggage to the main gate of the campsite, each of us posed a photo, whether it was a group photo or a full LM photo. =) Then, the ride home began. It was warm and comfortable, in my seat on the bus back to school. As I looked out the window sleepily, I looked at the wonders of the kampung life - something which we may not see in the future again. Jian Fei, who was sitting beside me, was writing very fast into his diary. I looked at him, totally impressed. Nothing can stop this guy from finishing a task which have to be done in time.

Anyway, I slept. At school, we get to know who was our Guardian Angel and we did our last tepukan, whether it was orders from Chang Meng or from our own doing.. We cannot deny the fact.

It was the end of camp.

Yet, it was the new beginning for all of us as each of us walk away with new experiences and knowledge towards the new obstacles in life.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

To my fellow group members and my Guardian Angel:

Thanks for all the care, support and friendship during the time before, during and after camp. I was really touched.

To Narongrit,

Good luck. You have the makings of becoming a good leader.

To Yee Sim, Ka Yean and Amy,

You also did a lot. Thanks for your contribution.

To Jian Fei and Wen Yiang,

Lets improve ourselves together as we walk down the road of Life.

To Pau Yee and Sau Wei,

You missed a lot. Take care of your health.

To Dennis and Chang Meng,

Thanks for pointing out my weaknesses. I am currently on the road to eliminate them once and for all.

To everyone who joined the camp,

Without you, LM Leadership Camp wouldn't be LM Leadership Camp as you are missing. Thanks for joining, as you also had taught me something.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S.

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid
When dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
As they tear your hopes apart
As they turn your dreams to shame.
And still I dream he'll come to me
And we will live our lives together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather..
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seems
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.

爱

2009-05-31T11:04:00.002+08:00

如果你不爱一个人,

请放手.

好让别人有机会爱她.

如果你爱的人放弃了你,

请放开自己,

好让自己有机会爱别人.

有的东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的,

有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的.

人生中有许多种 .

但别让自己为一种伤害.

有些缘分是注定要失去的,

有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的,

爱一个人不一定要拥有,

但拥有一个人就一定要好好的去爱她.

男人哭了是因为他真的爱了.

女人哭了是因为她真的放弃了.

如果真诚是一种伤害,

我选择谎言;

如果谎言一种伤害,

我选择沉默;

如果沉默是一种伤害,

我选择离开.

如果失去是苦，

你怕不怕付出 ,

如果迷乱是苦，

你会不会选择结束,

如果追求是苦，

你会不会选择执迷不悟 ,

如果分离是苦，

你要向谁倾诉,

好多事情都是后来才看清楚,

好多事情当时一点也不觉得苦!!!!

tO b3 conTinu3d..
{↑ξ↘？Uиkи¤wи？♂↓}

p.S.

MyNiceSpace.com

The Evils of Satan in Mini Forms

2009-05-28T19:20:00.010+08:00

Exam is already here. Typing this, it is curently the second day of exam. ==" On how many more days I need to suffer is currently more or less, one month.

However, as I had laid down tiredly on my table, I looked at the scenary in front of me. Many backs were facing me, bent down like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. The scribblings of pens could be heard as my eyes tiredly look around.

No, I was not cheating. I had already done my paper, and was very bored. So bored until I can even die from boredom. Typically, I would normally imagined how I could use my time and was just about to do that when I saw "Mini Satan 1" and "Mini Satan 2" right in front of me.

One of my classmate had used his leg to get the attention of another to ask for answers. Classmate 1 had cheated before, so I was not surprised. However, his method was unusual as he did it in front of a discipline teacher. Quite amused, I looked away.

After all, it was none of my buisness.

Then, I saw another form. This one was even better. Classmate 2 actually used her hand and waved to the person on her left for answers. I stared, but looked away before knowing the contents of the conversation that was exchanged between them.

Why I had typed this out was to asked this question,

What was the use of sitting for an exam if you refuse to admit your weaknesses and learn from your mistakes?

Sadly, this was only found in class. There are many other "Mini Satan Forms" out there. In fact, they are everywhere.

Some are from clubs' committees that chose future committees, not through talent or ability but through your beauty or even, your availability.

Some are even from the teachers' themselves who refused to let students attend two clubs and had forced them to quit either one of the clubs.

This is stupid.

Where the hell in the school rulebook said that one cannot follow one's interest and joined two clubs?

Heck, I joined plenty at one go in the past and I don't see teachers kicking me out. So why should this particular teacher kicked her loyal club's members out just because they joined another club for experience and knowledge?

Or, is it because she is jealous herself?

Whatever the reason is, please see another person's views before your own. Especially when you force one to make a decision when exam is around the corner.

Enough crapping here.. I hope everyone learned from this latest post. The next one will either be about LM's Leadership camp or the third post for my long forgotten story.

Stay tuned! x3

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p.S.

And there's no destiny when everyone's your enemy
Take your jealous heart and cast it into stone
You'll regret it all
Living behind your wall
And you'll never fall in love
If you don't fall at all

MyNiceSpace.com

Two shots of hate from a mouth as loud as a gun,
like an assasin .. who does it for fun.
Two deafening blows in a war that has just begun,
life gone away.. I'm done.
Two red roses sitting on my coffin, the wind blows, leaving only one
The world I know disappears.. like the setting sun.

MyNiceSpace.com

I cry for the time that you were almost mine,
I cry for the memories I've left behind,
I cry for the pain, the lost, the old and the new,
I cry for the times I thought I had you.

MyNiceSpace.com

Not all scars show,
Not all wounds heal ;
Sometimes you can't always see,
The pain someone feels.

MyNiceSpace.com

What's the sense of wishing for something when I always just wish it away?

tO b3 conTinu3d..

I Will Still Wait for You

2009-05-24T08:17:00.012+08:00

We were holding hands tightly while walking down the bumpy path. Lately, I had noticed that your hands loosely held mine, as if you wish to do something else. The time we spent walking down this path together had became less and less lately as you would run off, claiming to do something else. I would miss you as I slowly walk down this path of Life and would always run or call you just to see you or hear your voice.

But, you were always busy. Leaving me alone to fend for myself, my heart suffered. Pain was seen in my eyes. However, you never saw. Or, I thought you did not.

I don't know why, but when we reached a T-junction, you had wanted us to go separate ways. I was stunned, and could not speak. I was forced to control my tears. In the end, you suggested you need a rest. I nodded, unable to speak as you started along the right road and leaving me behind, as usual.

Life's road wasn't well-built. The road was coarsed, and there were many pot-holes that spell trouble for anyone who fell into it. The light given to us; the love that we had built, was the only thing that had guided us through this path for many years.

Although there were many times that one of us fell, the other one was sure to pull the poor victim up from the hole. And then, there was once when both of us fell into deep shit. It was sticky, where loopholes to escape from them were unable to be found. At first, you thought about running away. But, you finally condemned and convinced yourself to the fate that we were both in trouble, whether we liked it or not. You cried, wishing it was all a nightmare and it would dissapear when you woke up.

And, all I could do.. was nothing. All I could do, was to write another post on this..

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I am wondering where the hell am I standing now on this path. I am not so angry now, just sad and depressed. However, I kept on worrying about you. I kept thinking about you. And yes, I kept on thinking about the special moments we shared together. Mostly good, and free from fighting like two crazy people.

However, you wanted a break from all that craziness. You said you were stressed, from all the homework and activities from the club you had joined. Summarized, you were busy. At first, you wanted to break up. You wanted to break away from all that is related to me, and walk on different paths. After all this time.. After all we had gone through.. I was stunned.

As I stand on this path, I looked back and thought on all the occasions that I had given up great men just to be with you. I thought of all the occasions where I happily neglected friends that I cared most just to be with you. I thought of many things, mainly related to you and me.

Like the time, when we went to Sunway Lagoon with my sister. I was happy when I saw you, happily munching away on the food, which was on me for your birthday. And I also remembered the time I saw your face with lighted eyes when you tasted a drink in The Garden.

“Eh! This is good wor..” – Chinese – English translation (again)

A sad smile lit on my face as I remembered the past. Now, I wondered whether you really still love me. I wondered whether there is a third person in our relationship. I wondered whether you actually know the meaning of love. Because, I asked guys about this and none said that they would sacrifice their girlfriends for their career and studies. If you had wanted to really (and actually) concentrated on studies, you can at least asked me to just meet you less. Not to break up.

This. Really. Hurt.

Just the word was enough to make me shuddered.

Dar, you don’t know the terrible and scary meeting our group got from the committees on that Friday. You were at home, probably playing Maple Story. I was scared, and when I cried in a lonely spot, all I could think was I wanted your hug. Other people who asked my condition made me cried even more, as it made your empty presence felt even deeper.

Dar, you don’t know that I gave up a crush on a guy that I went out with once. You don’t know that I made another heart break just because I can’t bear to think of continuing life without you. When I wanted to conclude things with him, he did exactly what you did. He wanted to become friends because of needing to concentrate on club activities and homework. It hurt, but I clung on to you, hoping that you will help me heal this light wound.

Without you knowing, you made it deeper. You did exactly as he did, making me feel more unwanted and rejected.

I became angry.

I became frustrated.

I became annoyed.

Your words finally made me realized that I really couldn’t trust any males with total confidence. You said you love me, but where is the love you claimed you had? You said you would call me, but why do I get a SMS instead? You said this, but you did that. I was disappointed, in me and in you.

The way you treat me had become worse lately, and when you had wanted to break up, I wondered whether you really wanted it and whether I had stop you from gaining freedom. I don’t know, it hurts and I just kept on suffering in the dark.

I look up in the heavy rain, down the freshly trodden path. Your back is hazy in the rain, but I can still see the outline. As I run towards you, I just want you to know. I live now, for your daily ‘calls’ while waiting for you to come back to me.

To come back and hold hands so that we can walk down the path of Life together just like before. Until then, I guess I must silently suffer.

As always, I love you. And it is this love that made me blind.
Blind, even when I face Death himself.

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p.S. I gave you my heart, and I wish that you won't give it to someone else. Especially after all the hearts that were broken.

To all the people that I have broken their hearts, I don't really like most of you more than friends. But, to a special person, I did. However, we were never meant to be. You were just too late. And yes, I was forced to break your hearts so that you all can move on and have a better future.

And, whether we both like each other or not.. I beg you. Don't waste my efforts. Go, and never look back.

So, take care and good luck in finding a love so true, that even I cannot give you.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Till The End

2009-05-18T22:48:00.007+08:00

I wake up every morning and with dozing eyes reach to the center of my apartment - where I stand next to my friend of 4 years. My friend who stood silent when I cursed him, who stood silent when I cried in front of him, who stood silent when I laughed in front of him. My silent friend of good and bad times- a wooden, human size mirror.

Every morning when I meet my friend, I witness my eyes full of pain and despair. Every morning when I meet my friend, I witness eyes full of unfulfilled dreams. Dreams which shattered my zeal to live, zeal to enjoy life, zeal to wait for the dawn awaiting next morning while laying below the star-studded sky.

The sight of my four year old friend makes me shudder and hide. To reach to a place where no one else can see and mock me. A place where I can cry loud and no one can hear. Prying eyes of people surrounding me makes it hard for me to take diminutive breathe for my survival. Their deafening laugh make it difficult to hear my own voice.

Why a broken relation for just 4 years old is questioning my survival of 16 years?

Why only the ending of my life seems reasonable to end this skirmish nightmare?

I am weak or just not fit for this insensitive world.

A world where selfless love and care is cheated for no reason.

Where a person leaves the delicate threads attached to your life when you really want to live.

Where my life full of passion and love just demeaned.

I loved someone just to hate myself comes to my mind when I pop dozens of perilous pills with a glass of water.

I still feel the excruciating pain from the sharp edges of the secluded box full of old memories and times hidden in the dark chambers of my heart.

His face in front of my eyes refuses to die out in spite of the cold deceit I got.

Bearing the pain of my poisoned body, I smile back at my friend of 4 years, a gift by my phony soul mate. My final blinks see fading image of his face and his gift - my mirror friend who watches remaining handful seconds of my life helplessley bids final adieu.

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p.S. This is for someone who I really cared for.

"I hope you had really moved on with life. If you really read this, I just want you to know that whatever happened, happened for a reason. By the way, you are an idiot. A stupid fool. I guess all males are like that. How can you just see on one's appearance and then conclude that one is happier than before? Idiotic fool. You do not know how many tears were shed, how many heartaches were forced away.. and how life was a frown for me since that day. And yet.. Life's like that. It's true, isn't it? Guys are morons; simple creatures that cannot even observed their loved ones and determined their true feelings and why their loved ones react like that."

"Idiotic fool."

tO b3 conTinu3d..
{親愛的那並不是愛情}

Walking Away

2009-05-11T20:25:00.004+08:00

You came back into my life once again. Unexpectedly.
I thought you were going to leave me like the last time, when we played each other. So, I did not care nor give a damn.
However, I don't know why but I gave you a chance.
I asked you out. To accompany lonely me.
You did a great job, I was impressed.
But, I postponed my answer.
I don't know how you felt but till this very day.. I still remember what you said.

"I will wait. For you. And your answer." - chinese-english translation

My heart ached as I thought of the pain you were going to suffer after Wu Shu Night.

However, the tables were turned. As that day came into view, I unexpectedly fell for you. A crush that grew into like. And it was this like that was waiting to blossom into love.

For days, I tried to resolved my problems. The problems that were threatening to drown me were overwhelming. At first, you helped a bit by accompanying me. But then, you solved all of it by just one sentence.

I was thankful. I thought you solved all of my problems. But, I was wrong. The one last problem that was left was..

You.

I could not forget you. You were stuck in my mind. Everywhere I go, I would be concious when I sensed that you were nearby. You don't know how my heart ached with pain when you walk by, ignoring me. And then, I would remembered.

We are just only friends.

Why should you care? Is that it? Many times, I tried crying. But, there is only endless suffering. The pain that could only be felt in my heart was reflected in my eyes. But, no one saw it. Not even you.

I could not run.
Nor could I hide.

I could just observed you from far-away and remember those happy days.
Where happy and painless memories remained.

Today, I tried again.
I had successfully numbed my pain.
I had just wanted to ask you two unrelated questions.
Only two.
But, you kept on saying..

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait until when? Wait until I forget?

I guess I am annoying you again.
I guess you deserve the happiness that you should have as I cannot give you the happiness you deserved.

So, there are two different paths. Two different people. You and I.
I don't know whether you had chosen one, but I had chosen mine.
So, take care and goodbye.

p.S. Someday, come and tell me. During that short week, do you feel happy?

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MyNiceSpace.com

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Happy Mothers' Day

2009-05-10T17:37:00.002+08:00

To:-

MySpace Comments

This post is dedicated to all mothers around the world. =)

MySpace Comments

MySpace Comments

MySpace Comments

MySpace Comments

tO b3 conTinu3d..

The Unerasable Pain

2009-05-07T19:52:00.005+08:00

There is a pain constanly growing and living in my heart.
I feel like telling you, but you said you wanted to concentrate in your life.
You left me alone, fending for myself.
You left me in pain, a pain which I could not erased.

I wanted to run away.
To move on.

But, I can't.

I wanted to let you know.
To know what you will say.

But, I fear.

I wanted to let him know.
To be scolded.

But, I am scared.

I can't do anything. Nothing.
I can only walk on this suffering path.

All alone and in pain.

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This was what I wanted to tell you..

Every recess..

My heart was cold,
My eyes were tired,
I could not think but of one thing,
I waited and waited to see you passing by,
And to bless the day if I could catch your eyes,
I saw you passing by,
But your eyes I could not catch,
And you do not know what this meant to me....

tO b3 conTinu3d..

You are the One I Cannot Love

2009-05-01T12:05:00.005+08:00

C, I like you.
Do you know that when you came into my life once again, I do not know what love is again.

Its meaning.
The feeling it brings.
I forgot what love is all over again.

However, I just wanted to tell you that I miss the moments we spent together.
Everytime I am lonely, I look back with tears in my eyes.

For I know, and I know,
Where my feelings for you are heading to.

Do you still remember that time we sat together in the cinema?
In the dark?
Do you still remember that time when you kept on begging me?
Begging me to accept you back?
Do you still remember the time you sent me those smses?
The love messages you sent me?

Were your words actually true?

If they were, why do you ignore me in school?
If they were, why do you leave me alone?
Alone in the darkness that kept surrounding me when I am lonely?

Look into my eyes, C. Look into my soul.
Do you see what you seek?
For it is clear in my eyes..

You are the one that I cannot love.

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p.S. CHS Wu Shu Night was very yeng! x3

So sad,
So true..
Each beat reminds me of you.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Coming Soon

2009-04-25T23:52:00.001+08:00

Still in progress.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

The End -- A New Beginning

2009-04-24T23:03:00.003+08:00

I woke up in my bed, covered with sweat.

I ran around. To and fro classes and to the hall..

Making rare emergency trips to the toilet..

My mind went blank before accidentally sleeping in class due to lack of sleep..

Waking up, feeling nervous..

And then, it begin.

It came. The big day. The day we have all been dreading.

And, after so many preparations..

So many instructions..

So many sweat..

IT WAS A SUCCESS! x3

It was all because of the amazing teamwork, dicipline, commitment and time management from everybody.

Therefore, I would like to thank everyone here and hope that everyone:-

a. will have a nice day!
b. have a good, long rest!

x3 Thanks for everything, because without you guys,

It would not have been possible.

Anyway, this ending for 2009's LM Anniversary signifies not the ending, but it is the starting for something new. =)

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Mix3D FeeliNgS..

2009-04-21T21:57:00.004+08:00

I felt..

Unwanted.

Hated.

Ignored.

I felt as if my existence is invisible to others except when I make the attempt to greet them first.

I felt alone in this world except when I am accompanied by my loved ones and those who loved me.

But, they sometimes also act like the others.

Ignore me.

Leave me.

Hate me.

I was left alone.

Alone in this world full of loneliness.

As I run away from loneliness, I am plunged into a world of darkness which I could not escaped from.

From there, I could not escape as its sticky shadows had clunged onto me and my heart.

Tangling into my veins and with thorns stabbing through the muscles of my poor heart.

Since then, I sat there and wait.

As my heartbeats slowed..

As loneliness and death crept up to me..

I waited.

All alone.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

LosT FrienD

2009-04-12T09:08:00.003+08:00

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friend’s face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
And as in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
'Tomorrow' I say! 'I will call on Tim.
Just to show that I'm thinking of him.'
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
'Here's a telegram sir,' 'Tim died today.'
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.
Seize the day.
Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. http://www.human-age.com/inscription.php?parrain=264316&idclan=5

IBSEXXY.COM

Look At Me

2009-04-02T22:54:00.004+08:00

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you are looking at me?

A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply,
When you say a loud voice, ‘I do wish you’d try!’

Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe..

Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill..

Is that what you are thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you are not looking at me.

I will tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

I am a small child of ten.. with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she will meet.

A bride soon at twenty – my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide and secure a happy home.

A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast.
Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.

At fifty, once more babies play around my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I have known.

I am now an old woman.. and nature is cruel,
‘Tis jest to make old age look like a fool,
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigour depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells,

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I am loving and living life all over again.

I think of the years.. all too few gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last,

So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman, look closer, see ME.

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Balm to the soul is peace
Calm puts the world at peace

Alms for the poor relieve
Palms upturned receive

When hearts with love overwhelm
Peace shall dwell in this realm.

SEXXYSPACE.COM

tO b3 conTinu3d..

..xXemoXx..

2009-03-21T20:01:00.005+08:00

You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

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Why do we laugh when one is born,
Into a world where people got torn?

Why do we cry when one passed away?
As they do not have to suffer another day.

So should we laugh or should we cry,
When one was born or when one died?

Because it's a dark paradise,
Where perceptions control our lives.

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This feeling called love,
Does it exists?
When it's someone special,
Can you resist?

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Dreams

2009-03-14T09:50:00.000+08:00

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

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p.S. Have you read my latest story? It's the post before this post. ;) However, that is part 2. Click on part 2 to find out where part 1 is! x3

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有些事，我们知道是错的，也要去坚持，因为不甘心；有些人，我们明知道是爱的，也要去放弃，因为没结局；有时候，我们明知道没路了，却还在前行，因为习惯了。。

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Forbidden -- Gone

2009-03-07T23:01:00.003+08:00

The clouds that were closed and packed tightly together slowly began to loosen up as a bright light formed from the middle and began to shoot luminously upwards. The way God suddenly appears in front of people always awed me because the luminous light won’t blind anybody who saw it and but it will make you keep looking at it and treasure every string of this pure light as though you will never see it again.

It seems that He must have seen my troubled face from wherever he was and came to chat with me. God is always with us, and we felt His presence strongly in our hearts wherever we go. However, my troubles had caused me to moved forward blindly like an old, grumpy woman. I had failed to acknowledge and remember that God is always willingly to help, no matter who and what we are.

By the time I stop daydreaming, God is already in front of me on a fluffy, white cloud. As always, His way of dressing reminds me of a strict and organized person. But, His kind eyes and big heart says otherwise. He was leaning on His left arm to look at me sideways from his cushion while looking patiently at me with His famous fatherly look. Obviously, He knows that I had finally found my way out from the cloudy maze of confusion and fear and had come to seek Him at last.

He smiled a smile so gorgeous that it instantly lightens up my mood a lot. For a moment, I thought His smile healed me of my troubles, as I could not feel any pain in my heart. However, the ache in my heart began to claw at me again and my heart felt like an anchor sinking into the depths of a forgotten, deep sea. I wince unwillingly.

My whole body shivered at the gnawed of the evil claw on my heart as I look away from God, guiltily. My eyes were downcast as I shifted my body uneasily.

“Tell me, Hope.” I jumped, although His voice was soft and kind. I look up unwillingly, and just can’t seem to tear my eyes away from His gentle face, kind smile and patient eyes. His eyes show no pretence of impatient, or maybe because it was his voice, kind yet a strict order that made me open up, to decades of the horrifying truth.

And so, my story begins.

I was one of the Three, Angel0fHope ever since the day I had finished my exclusive training. It was hard work, and it paid off when I could see the happy faces of everyone and hear their contented laughter. For many centuries, all was well. However, what begins must also end.

At that time, many angels fell sick. Especially from those who came back from earth. Those that were appointed to investigate were never seen nor heard from again. Therefore, I was chosen to go forward to not only bring God’s message to the living beings there but to also find out the source of our kind’s sickness.

Angel0fLove and Angel0fFaith were horrified when they learned about this. They could not bear to see me go willingly into the lion’s mouth, yet they know that this duty was inevitable. In their eyes, I could see that they are worried for my safety. I guess this was because I was the youngest in the Three. However, I kiss them both on the cheeks before departing. Bringing along only necessities, everyone’s blessings and God’s love.

When I had arrived, I immediately blended in with the crowd although I show signs of suffocation. The air on earth was full of germs, microorganisms and pollutants that were indescribable. I frowned, and coughed out what I had breathed. It’s disgusting; the way cars nearby vomit and sputter out fumes and smoke, choking poor human beings and making them fall ill. However, cars could not be the only problem. The weather is too hot down here, almost as close to the minimum temperature in Hell.

There were just too many cars zooming fast on the highways. The drivers were cold and merciless, and to add to the horrifying combination, reckless as well. When the green light is shown for pedestrians to cross, cars still zoomed past like they have not a care in the world. Even when a little girl had the right to cross and tried to, cars did not stop. They just kept going.

Before the human beings know it, a truck zoomed in and bangs the poor girl. Screams were heard and curses were hurled. The truck driver, who was scared out of his wits, just zoomed away. Leaving the pained form on the ground. Many people surrounded her. Only a handful was helpful. The rest, were just busybodies. Shouting and screaming, “What happened?” when those who truly cared called the responsible authorities, encourage and try with all their might to save the poor, helpless girl.

Tears are words the heart can’t say. Right now, I can clearly hear her voice through those heavy tears that were pouring down her face. She is in pain, but she was still thinking about her ill mother back at home. How she needed to get the medicine home as fast as possible or it will be too late. She was silently sobbing, trying to get away from the crowd despite her fatal wounds. Her efforts proved futile, as the crowd thickens.

God was right; children are the only innocent and pure left in this world. Without them, humankind surely would have been destroyed long ago. Her efforts stabbed me right through the heart spiritually while her silent pleas plead me to save her and her mother. I had orders to not interfere with others, but I guess my heart think so otherwise.

I pushed my way through the sweaty crowd and kneel down in front of her. Placing my hand onto her fatal wounds, I mumbled a few of the ancient words and watch as my silent magic transferred from my hand to her wounds. As she slumped unconscious and the police cars and ambulance had arrived, I took the bloody bottle of medicine and left. Nobody had acknowledged my presence, and I plan to keep it that way as I let my sixth sense guide me to the girl’s house.

As I walk further down the road, I saw scenes I thought could only be available in Hell. Robbing of convenient stores by only a gang of teenagers that were around fifteen or sixteen, parents restricting their children to only to children of their current or higher status, gates being climbed to just steal a cheap pair of shoes and as the evening progress, a young man in his twenties having sex with a young girl in her teenage years. Obviously, this two are not married to each other otherwise they will not be so jumpy when they even hear a nearby dog barking.

I shook my head, and try to clear the images from my head. However, they were stuck there like a dung beetle stuck to a fine lump of dung. I look around and saw that I had reached a poor run-down house that looks like it was haunted. As I walk inside, I saw that the house was badly in need of paint and there were no windows or doors at all. The floor was strewn with filth, rubbish and dung from who knows where.

I walked inside the house and my sharp ears had caught the sound of someone painfully trying to breathe. I ignore my surroundings as I find the source of this sound. I found her soon enough in this one-room house. A pallid-faced woman in her twenties was lying on a broken and lumpy mattress on the dusty floor. Her clothes were not covered in filth but in sweat. Her eyes were closed in pain as she tried to breathe. By the bedside, there were various drugs and needles.

I could not help but stare at the condition. She looks young and must have been beautiful but she had aged quite a lot, probably from stress, sorrow and pain. “Jill.” It sounded like she must have took quite an effort to just say a word. “Jill, hand me the cocaine.” My eyes became bigger as I then proceed to check the label of the bloody bottle I was holding. It was really cocaine pills. Their white powdery forms that eat away human beings from the inside in exchange for giving pleasure from the outside.

Disgusted, I walk away from her as I crush the bottle and it contents with the fire spell that was formed in my hand. I was almost fooled had I not notice the needles and bottles by her bedside. Seriously, what in the world are human beings trying to get when they destroy themselves like that?

Over the next few days, I was guilty of not saving the human being. However, the guilt was short-lived when I visited the girl. Her condition was beginning to become as healthy as a horse, and a healthy glow is returning to that pallid but beautiful face of hers. I had brought her flowers and fruits every time I visited her and soon, we became friends. Laughing and smiling, I told her about a lot of interesting facts of this world and she would listen while always trying to absorb every detail.

And during those days, I became a part-time preacher while I also found a job as a secretary in a small-time company. It wasn’t much, but the pay is just enough for me to live comfortably in a simple wooden hut in the middle of a busy town and for Jill’s hospital fees. However, I still manage to be clear-headed on what my mission was. And it so happens, that my part-time preacher job is handy for this sort of occasion.

For my first time, the Head Priest will show me how to preach before I can begin on my own. That Sunday in church, the atmosphere reminded me of my days in Heaven above. It was peaceful and quiet, and the sun shining through the windows was shining through gently.

When it was eight in the morning, many people came through the door with hushed voices and excited whispers. I was amazed that human beings were still spiritually bound to God, but I wish I had never thought that. You see, few were the human beings that really open their heart to God. The rest, who knows where they are, as I could not feel their mind in their brains. I even saw a few kids or was it young adults that kept on playing with their Sony PSP even though the session is about to begin.

I could not help but frown even though it is not the nature of angels to do that. The condition on earth has reached the critical level, and they may self-destroy themselves if nothing is done. I know that it is the perfect time to act now.

P.S. Part 1 can be found in this blog.. JUst go to section > Saturday, December 27, 2008

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tO b3 conTinu3d..

I Shall Not Pass This Way Again

2009-02-25T21:30:00.003+08:00

Through this toilsome world, alas!
Once and only once I pass;
If a kindness I may show,
If a good deed I may do,
To a suffering fellow man,
Let me do it while I can.
No delay, for it is plainI shall not pass this way again.

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p.S. The sufferings that one wants to always run from:-

Loving someone who cannot love you back..

Loving someone but you can only just stand from afar and smile when the loved one is happy..

Suffering in silence..

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tO b3 conTinu3d..

机会

2009-02-14T20:34:00.018+08:00

女孩。什么时候学会用微笑代替一切..

男孩。什么时候学会了用沉默代替哭泣..

男孩。不轻易哭泣，只有在面对最爱的人时，才会变得脆弱..

男孩。不轻易哭泣，只有在太爱你的时侯，才会放下自尊..

男孩。不要害怕跌倒而不学走路..

不要害怕失去而不去争取..

男孩。如果你为了女孩哭，请相信自己，因为..

你真的很爱她..

女孩。如果你有个男人为你哭，请您拉着他的手..

因为..

他真的可以陪你走完一生..

~这是由一个没有抓住他的机会的人。现在和永远，他希望您珍视您身边的人。

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p.S. Happy Valentine's Day! <3 and thanks Jun for sending this sms to me.. =)

tO b3 conTinu3d..

FamilY

2009-02-07T21:02:00.003+08:00

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
'Oh, excuse me please,' was my reply.

He said, 'Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you.'
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal, my son stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
'Move out of the way,' I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said,
'While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love,
you seem to abuse.
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.'

By this time, I felt very small, and now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by his bed, 'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said.
'Are these the flowers you picked for me?'
He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.'

I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today,
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'

He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway.'

I said, 'Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers,
especially the blue.'

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow,
the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than into our own family, an unwise investment indeed, don't you think?

So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

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或许我曾经是您的好朋友，但在我走了之后，您一定可以再找到比我好的朋友..

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Sonnet 18 (William Shakespeare)

2009-01-29T10:40:00.004+08:00

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometimes declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st:
Nor shall Death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. Happy Chinese New Year! =)

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tHe wiNdow 0f a s0uL

2009-01-17T17:29:00.006+08:00

She leaned her body against the wall which allows only her upper body part to lean over to see the view below. There is nothing special about the view in front of her. It is what she sees every school morning for the past four years now.

The sky is covered with many grey clouds, which misleaded most people to thinking that it will rain later. However, she knew that it will be sunny and hot later on. She breathed in. She felt the ache in her heart being pushed quickly out from the bottom of her breaking heart and from this, let out a long and tired sighed.

From her childhood years, she never thought she would feel this way some day. It had seem impossible back then. But, it is an unavoidable pain right now. Shifting her weight from her left leg to the right, she look at the faces of many students and teachers walking to and fro. Some were smiling and chatting with their friends who are walking besides them whereas some are still sleepy and confused.

"Hey." A pat on her head had alerted her to his presence. He is already here. She look at him and look away. Afraid that he will see the shadows lurking in her eyes. This shadows were not ordinary shadows. They cannot just be formed from the many sleepless nights and the many diets.

No. They were formed by the mountain of secrets she have for the past sixteen years. Some were personal that only God knows. Some were not hers to tell. They are the shadows that had caused her mysterious aura, they are the shadows that made her an introvert and a person not easily broken by the many hurts by strangers or friends.

Except..

Her loved one.

The many insults. The many cruel jokes. The many, unforgettable scoldings had been carved deeply into her heart. One by one. They could not be erased as it is not only some part of her past, it is also a part of herself.

Not all of them were bad. Most were good too. However, she just could not bear to the fact that she brought trouble for herself and her loved one constanly. She did not mean it, and definitely do not want it. For months, her eyes showed loneliness and sadness when no one noticed. Even if they do, they would think she was just day-dreaming.

"You don't want me?" She looked at him startled, with anger building in her eyes. True, that anger is part of a shield that blocked out the shadows. But, it is also a meaning that she do not want to hear what he had just said. How many times must she say? How can she convince him that she does want him?

When all had passed, he looked in front again. He is quiet, too quiet. Sometimes, he always complained he feel sleepy. She felt a temporary painful stab in her heart. It's like, she is boring him. For the first few months they have been together, he had chatted away happily. He was always the supplier of conversations. But now, it seems.. The same conversation happens and happens all over again.

She looked at him and wonders. Doubts began to fill her heart. She felt her eyes glazed over as self-critizing began. Her heart aches as she look away. Must every morning be like this?

She don't want him to be in trouble because of her.

She don't want him to have any negative emotions.

She.. Just want him to be happy. Just wanted him to have pure happiness.

As she was engulfed in her thoughts, the bell rang. And the day begans.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

wRecKed..

2009-01-11T01:06:00.004+08:00

I can't feel the pain nor all the other bad emotional feelings like I used to. It is because I had already given my heart to you. So precious, so fragile and so sweet. Please help me to keep it neat.

Have you notice my behaviors lately? Strange yet not monthly?

Confuse and helpless, torn between wants and needs.. This girl is really crying for someone's good deed..

I wanted to be with you..
Yet, I am scared that one day.. You don't want to.

I wanted to accompany you.
Yet, I fear I won't be dear.

I wanted to just hug you, right there and then.
So many people, what can I do?

I don't want you to talk about her.
Yet, I still want to hear.

I wanted to leave you when I know I might hurt you.
But no matter what I do, I can't.
Because I love you.
And without you in my life, it will be living a lie.

I hated that you might love another.
Yet, even as my heart breaks,
tears flow like no end,
and my heart will never, ever, ever mend,
I know I have no right to stop the love in you.

I wanted to be Bella and you, Edward. Together forever, like in Breaking Dawn.
Yet, reality is painfully forged into me.
And I know that this cannot be.

So, even though in reality.. We might be separated eventually..
I just want to tell you, that I love you and I have no regrets that I had love you.
Thank you, for all the happy memories that you have given me.

I love you.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. How I wish fantasies do come true..

Please don't forget to read Forbidden -- the horror (1) in the December(2008) part!

Forbidden -- Horror

2008-12-27T00:10:00.011+08:00

I could not feel my body. It is like I am in space, floating along in the never-endless dark emptiness that exists there. I had not wanted to reactivate my senses, especially after what I had witnessed. It is plain fact, that we are doomed.

First, I manage to open my eyes after a few reluctant tries. It took me quite awhile to locate the nerves for my eye muscles. Even so, it took me longer to get beyond the level of twitching an eyelid. Never mind two eyelids.

Then, my ears were activated. At first, I could hear murmurs. Then, it became more and more louder and confusing. So, I shut them off by concentrating on focusing on the images before me.

They were blurred, and I could not see much. But slowly, the images before me became more and more sharper. However, a breath of pure air hit me in the face so hard that I was left gasping for breath. It seems that Heaven’s air is still as pure as ever. My heart sank, as I know that it won’t be too long till doomsday. I found myself being carried by the oldest of The Three, the Angel0fLove. It seems that people are more prone to call him ‘Cupid’ rather than his genuine name.

Wearily, I look ahead and saw that the tall golden harp-liked gates opened before us and emit a blinding pure and white light. I closed my eyes moments before it swallowed us whole and open into what human beings called Heaven.

The buildings here are all simple and plain as people here are contented very easily. They are just simple, wooden huts with just enough furniture and food for the residents. In fact, it is really a happy place to live here. Especially after living in a place scarier than Hell itself. I shiver violently as I thought of that. Love, look down at me worriedly and stop long enough to drape his warm coat over me before continuing on the way in long, fast strides.

I felt sapped of energy no matter how many times I try to get my energy back from meditating. I guess it is from the shock I got down there. People gasps and stare in awe at the both of us as we went past. Yes, it is very rare to see one of the Three walking on the silver streets in broad daylight. Never mind two of the Three. Usually, it means good news and peace is here to stay. But, people will fear when one of the Three is wounded with blood steadily spilling out of her weak chest and her wings looks like it had not been groomed in days.

Love carried me to the recovery asylum as fast as he can. He tried to fly whenever possible, but his energy and the spilling of my blood onto the streets made him hold back most of the time. I can see in those kind eyes that he was losing hope, but the thought of losing a dear friend must have caused him to hang on and fight with all his might. On the way, he murmured words of encouragement to me while hushing me to silence whenever I tried to speak.

The people in the recovery asylum blurred past as people and angels tried their very best to do things as fast as possible. You see, the recovery asylum is specially built by God to train possible candidates to become healers and to heal the Three. So, the most modern yet natural technology can be found here to enable most operations, healing and recovery sessions to past by uneventfully. However, it’s been a long time since they need to treat a wound as serious as mine.

Can they do it?

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I lay on a comfortable bed as the healing session began. Angel0fLove, Angel0fFaith and 4 of the best healers in the asylum surrounded me and began to chant a mystical spell to begin the Chantment – a series of magical symbols combined musically with music, prayers and blessings. This spell level is so complicated until it is only used to heal many various critical conditions. So, that means.. I am in danger of dying?

A small and gentle tornado of musical blessings emitted from their bodies as the spell progress. With my sharp eyes, I can see that it whirl from their bodies and slowly rendezvous above my heart, which I guess is where the wound is located. Suddenly, the itching pain at my wound turned into a pain that could only be described by being stabbed with hundreds of razor sharp knives at once.

In my heart, I gasped with surprise and horror. But, I knew better from the many trainings I had that I should never interrupt a spell for fear that it may go wrong. Therefore, I could only let the tears slid down my face as my heart silently scream in agony. The pain became more unbearable as the music became more soft and gentle. It floated in through my right ear and out from my left, leaving a peaceful and soft motion that made me sleepy.

After a few minutes on concentrating on this motion, I could not help but fell into a deep sleep despite the screaming my heart sang nosily. I just wish it could stop, I thought selfishly as I was swallowed into the darkness where it was cold but surprisingly, comforting.

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It’s been a few days now since my return to my home. My energy had return a bit, but it still does not allow me to do a lot of things. I was wearing a soft dress, made from the softest silk from the clouds that sunbathed in the golden sun all day long. For now, the loving and caring Mother Teresa, who volunteered to look after me until I was full recovered, will take care of all my daily needs. I hate to burden people with my personal life, but it is unavoidable when you are one of the top Three, the masters of all angels, whom God personally chose and whose duties were given to enable the longevity of peace.

The wind breezed through my hair as I look up into the sky, where the sun shined down on my face and liven up my mood. An ache squeezed my heart as I long for the young man down there. I frowned as memories of the past suddenly surface.

“Hope, the surface of your wound may be healed but it is actually an emotional wound. A wound neither God nor us can heal. You, and you could only heal it alone. How did this happen?”

I had looked at the kind healer, frowning. I had shaken my head weakly, knowing full well that she will not understand. Luckily, she had been understanding and left me alone. She only came back when she needed to tend to my daily cares till I was dismissed yesterday.

I sat down, my face solemn. I am stuck, and have no idea absolutely what to do as the war inside me tore me apart. Piece by piece. Organ by organ.

“Hope.”

I look up into the kind clouds, and felt as ease and peaceful when God’s voice flooded my whole being. Of course, I could turn to God. After all, he has all the answers. Hope soon flooded me like never before.

P.S. I hope you all like it. Please give some comments and if there are enough requests, I will create a sequel. Be sure to check back regularly for an update. ;)

Merry Christmas~

tO b3 conTinu3d..

mYsteriouS

2008-12-16T21:20:00.003+08:00

What is blind but can be seen?

What is patient but can be mean?

What is liked but also disliked?

What is humble but also burst in pride?

What is young but also old?

What cannot be bought but can be sold?

What is pure but also fear?

What is a fiction but also a fact?

All this total to something,

Yet it is not disgusting.

So rack your brains and figure it out,

When you do, shout it out loud! x3

tO b3 conTinu3d..

P.S.

Thanks dar, for trusting me. =)

b3hinD the scene$

2008-11-29T14:41:00.008+08:00

Scene: Behind the Curtain of My Life

Kekex.. Nowadays, everybody reading this blog keeps on telling me that the blog is very emo and it shines me in an emo light. Oh well. I guess that is not surprising because I am even called emo when I keep silent and ponder about things.

Form 4 Express Class held by TTC had fulfilled what they had wanted. I am not sure how many people participated as I do not go there everyday, but I am sure they are please that the regulars showed up.

The purpose for the class is to prepare us, students for our studies next year and the major goal for it is to get straight A's for SPM. You might be thinking: But that is such a long time?! Yes, but time flies.

Even though the fees are a bit expensive, it is worth it as you get to fully learn, observe and understand the first three chapters of Form 4. So, imagine this. Everybody in class next year who did not go to TTC are just starting Chapter 1, while the students in TTC are getting ready for their first term exam. =)

No, I am not boasting nor bragging. The timetable can be found at TTC, which is located at Jalan Gasing, Petaling Jaya. So, why not check it out? ;)

Okay. I feel like I am helping TTC advertising. Holidays are quite boring, except for the occasional outing with family and friends. I had brought my friend and my sister to Sunway Lagoon Theme Park to celebrate my friend's birthday. And, I think I went bankrupt on that day as all expenses were paid by me. ==

I am also worried about my friend who have weird dreams recently. From the Internet's help and experience, it shows that he is scared and have undying fear in his heart. How I wish it is in my power to stop him from dreaming all those useless dreams, but I felt helpless as I can only stand there and watch him. Unable to protect.

There had been many birthdays recently, including mine and Jan Sen's. But, I am looking forward to the birthdays that are coming up. Mum's and Beng Guan's. I got a present for my friend, but I am still dumbstruck on what to get for my mum. Anyone got any creative and original ideas?

Lately, my annoying sister stayed at home. It made the once peaceful house sound like a war zone. Anybody who wishes to experience it can either go to:

A. Iraq (stay there and maybe if you are unlucky, you will experience it)
B. My House (yes, you can save on your money too~)

It is also always raining recently. It really dampens my mood although it is peaceful to hear the soft sounds of the falling rain. Right now, my heart is telling me that there are a lot of problems yet to be solved. But, I do not know where to begin nor how to end. Heck, I don't even know what the problems are.

By the way, thank you to Hah Pau Yin for her baking samples. They were delicious and the whole family enjoyed eating the treats. =) May you be bless with all the good stuff in life. x3

I don't know why I suddenly reveal a bit about my life to you, but I guess what's done is done. However, please wait for a new short story which I will reveal to all of you soon.

The short story will teach you simple yet understanding moral values and will make you treasure not only your time but also your long yet short life.

Till then~

tO b3 conTinu3d..

l0sT

2008-11-08T07:33:00.008+08:00

In memory of Muneer and Saqib, whose lives were lost in freak car accidents.

Please spare just five minutes of your time to pray for them and bless them.

May they be well and happy always wherever they are now.

May this kind of freak car accident be destroyed from this world.

May lives not be lost in this kind of freak car accidents.

May Muneer and Saqib be blessed by God and all his followers.

Amen.

loNg loSt LaugHter

2008-11-01T23:35:00.001+08:00

I was so happy when you smiled,
Your smile breaks through the clouds of grey,
Far from the sunny days that lie in sleep.
Waiting with patience for the Spring,
When the flowers will bloom renewed again,
Knowing there’s more beyond the pain of today.
Although the scars of yesterday remain,
You can go on living as much as your heart believes,
You can’t be born again although you can change,
Let’s stay together always.

Now let’s all gather,
Enjoying the company we share,
Our tears will dissolve into thin air,
As we drink up this wonderful life.
La, la, la..
Takin’ in all the sweet love and life.
La, la, la..
Drinkin’ up all this good love and life.
La, la, la..
Take it in all this sweet love and life.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

tAgg3d aGaiN~ ==

2008-10-31T12:44:00.003+08:00

Tagged again?! Hmm.. I have to figure out how to not get tagged.. ==

Q1. How old do you wish you were?
>> 5 years old.

Q2.When were you in when 9/11 happened?
>> My hometown.

Q3.What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
>> Frown before walking away.

Q4.Do you consider yourself kind?
>> Yes.

Q5.If you have a tattoo, where would it be?
>> Nowhere.

Q6.If you want to be fluent in other language, what would it be?
>> Korean, Japanese, Spanish, Greek.. (and the lists goes on..)

Q7.Do you know your neighbours well?
>> Yes.

Q8.Where do you consider for a vacation?
>> Other parts of Malaysia I have never been before.

Q9.Do you know your horoscope?
>> Yes.

Q10.Would you move for the person you love?
>> Yes.

Q11.Are you touchy feeling?
>> What?

Q12.Do you believe that opposites attract?
>> Yes.

Q13.Dream job?
>> World-class vet

Q14.Favourite tv channels?
>> Cartoons and anime.

Q15.Favourite place to go during the weekends?
>> My bed.

Q16.Showers or bath?
>> Showers.

Q17.Do you paint your nails?
>> Sometimes.

Q18.Do you trust people easily?
>> No.

Q19.What are your phobias?
>> Loneliness.

Q20.Do you want kids?
>> No idea.

Q21.Do you keep a handwritten journal?
>> Yes.

Q22.Where would you rather be now?
>> With my loved one.

Q23.Who makes you warm and fuzzy?
>> P & C.

Q24.Heavy or light sleeper?
>> Heavy.

Q25.Are you paranoid?
>> Maybe.

Q26.Are you impatient?
>> Depends.

Q27.Who can you relate to?
>> Trusted friends, God and my heart.

Q28.How do you feel about interracial couples?
>> What is interracial?

Q29.Would you rather be out with your friends or stay at home?
>> Depends.

Q30.Whats your pick-up line?
>> Huh?

Q31.What's your main ringtone on your cellphone?
>> Depends.

Q32.What were you doing during midnight yesterday?
>> In front of the computer.

Q33.What did your last text message say?
>> P & C.

Q34.Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
>> Mine.

Q35.What colour shirt are you wearing right now?
>> White.

Q36.Most recent movies you watch?
>> Don't Mess With The Zohan.

Q37.List three things which you carry with all the time?
>> Soul, Confidence, Wisdom.

Q38.Which bank do you deposit your money at?
>> Piggy bank.

Q39.How much cash do you have right now?
>> RM200/300++

Q40.Whats your favourite part of the chicken?
>> Drumstick.

Q41.Whats your favourite city/town?
>> Penang.

Q42.You can't wait till?
>> Tomorrow.

Q43.What did you have for dinner last night?
>> Noodles.

Q44.How tall are you barefooted?
>> 158cm
Q45.Do you own a gun?
>> No.

Q46.What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
>> Water.

Q47.Where do you think you will be in 10 years time?
>> Still living a life.

Q48.Last thing you ate?
>> A cake.

Q49.What songs do you sing in the shower?
>> Depends.

Q50.When was the last time someone made you laugh?
>> Forgot.

Q51.Worst injury you ever had?
>> Heart-broken.

Q52.Does someone have a crush on you?
>> Yes.

Q53.Whats your favourite candy?
>> Chocolate?

Q54.Do you want to have your own car?
>> No.

Q55.Choose eight UNLUCKY people to do this quiz:
>> The first eight readers who read this.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

Do You Know? T.T

2008-09-12T23:18:00.003+08:00

Pain. It fills my heart endlessly where happiness should have filled. I want to be in this relationship. I want you to care for me. I want you to accompany me but I guess I am a bit too demanding and selfish here. But the least you could do is understand. I am living a lie, and when we argue. . It hurts a lot and I long for your presence very much to numb this pain in my heart.

I am very sorry for all my mistakes that I had cause you. If given the chance, I would not want you to pay the price. Tears are falling now. I feel as if you don’t want me around you like you did in the beginning. I understand. But I am not afraid to state that I will always love you as my dar till the end of time. I had vowed to protect you in the dark at all times and at all cost, so. .

I don’t care whether you leave me. I had given up asking you to do things you wish not to since I don’t want to upset you. Do you know I almost cry when you always reply that you don’t want to take care of yourself? Do you know I had tear-filled nights ever since that day? Do you know I had lost my appetite since I prove myself guilty of so many things, actions and mistakes?

I want you to be happy. More happy than you have ever been. I want you to take care of yourself. So that you will be independent when it comes to survival. The list goes on, but all I can tell you is that I put you first before me. To me, you are the most important person in my life and in my world.

I hate it when you are injured. I hate it when I cannot go to you to hug you and help you apply an antidote for your wounds. I hate it when I did not see you even after a day in school. I hate it most when my mistakes hurt you. For the first time, I experience hate. And I hate it.

I don’t care about my endless suffering. I care about yours. I don’t care when you hurt me. I care when I hurt you with my mistakes unintentionally. I don’t care about whom you direct your love to. I care about you receiving plentiful love. I don’t care about your bad habits. I care about mine affecting you badly. Lastly, I don’t care about anyone else. All I care about is only you. And, you alone.

I love you, I really do. Love is unexplainable as it is different to everybody. However painful it is, I am thankful as it gave me you. Dar, I need you because I love you. But if you wish to go and travel to another road, go. Don’t hold back.

P.s. This is the LAST time I will be writing my suffering in my blog. No use to dampen the mood of my readers.

I wish everyone well and happy always.

Take care.

<3 Sealed with a kiss and with all my heart which is now given to Dar, the only one I love..

tO b3 conTinu3d..

wHeN wiLl iT sTop..

2008-09-07T21:31:00.007+08:00

I can feel impatience and annoyance from my maple kor.. So, I am now distancing myself from him.. I am also trying to distance myself from him but found it hard..

Very hard.

Every second, every minute, every hour and everyday of my life I am missing him. Never had I felt this kind of pain in my life.. I can't bear it if I lose him, yet I guess I must force myself to be happy when he finally move on and is able to find happiness and escape from all this unusual and unnecessary pain.

I could have stop him. Could have avoided all this. Could be with him tomorrow. Happily chatting with him and happily enjoying my life.

But, I could not. I cannot turn back time. I cannot be with him alone. I cannot be with him and hug him, I cannot just let him erase all my unhappiness away with all those jokes. I am suffering alone as I don't want to be with anyone or a group as I want to avoid my face showing hurt and I want silence. Yet, I don't want to be alone as pain and memories will come and haunt and torture me. Slowly killing me..

I am like a candle burning out. My life may not have ended, but I wish it would. Dying a horrible death with a wooden stake stabbed right through my heart sounds better than suffering alone with all this pain. I want him to be happy. Maybe I should leave, let him suffer for awhile and look on in the shadows at his life.

Look at how he got back up, look at how he found a better girl to really love and care for him and smile sadly when he got married with the girl of his dreams which could not be me. I could do this post, looking and caring for my loved one as I stand in the shadows of his life. Slowly guiding him without him knowing it is me.

Tears are falling now. It hurts. Really hurts. I really love him. I want him to be away from this pain. I don't want him to suffer along with me. His family's honour, his honour.. It's because of me that had cause him to lose all this. I feel like I am a black sheep in his life. I am unwanted and unforgivable.

Everyday, I really wish that I can just stop this pain. Everyday, I wish I can return back to the time when I should reject him as my boyfriend. Maybe I should break with him. This will stop the pain and eventually, his pain will become mine. Forever, I will be in pain. But, it's worth it isn't it?

Isn't it general knowledge that we should make our loved ones be happy and carefree? Isn't it our responsibility that we should stop their pain and put them first instead of us? It is my mistake and carelessness that caused this uproar. That caused this mess.

Tell me, dar.. Can I free you? From all this pain? From all this misery? I cannot erase what had been done, but at least I won't be the one who hurt you next time after you got over me. I will be in your shadow, looking after you.

Do you know my love for you has been constanly growing day by day? Do you know it hurts me everytime my mum nags about this case to me? How I had been repeatedly forced to remember how you had sort things out? How I had caused you to pay for the heavy price? Prices which you would not have pay if she did not introduce me for you to choose as a girlfriend?

My mistake as always. Always me who is wrong. I cannot take this anymore. Eventually, I might be driven to insanity. Eventually, I would have to leave you. Or you might have to leave me. Do you know that sometimes I want to give up? Because giving up is also a form of love. A more painful love. Yet, still love.

I am pained when you take a VERY long time to reply. MSN, SMS.. You name it. My heart hurts. Dar~ I kept on feeling like.. You want to give up. You want to stop it. Please tell me when you do, okay? There's a chance for you tomorrow at the park, so why not take it if you feel like that? It hurts me more when your replies are slow. I kept thinking things. Things that should not be thought.

Should we let go and test our love? Let it fall apart or gasped when it is still intact after a long time? Dar, I will always love you. Until the end of time. But, if you cannot make it.. Please just tell me.

No stress for you, you deserve the vey best. :3 I wish you happiness and love. Dar, if you ever read this.. Please tell me, okay? Till then, I will not come and look for you nor talk to you first. Till then, I will be sad as you said you won't take care of yourself. Do you know I wish I can take care of you but cannot? It will be living hell for this fallen angel.

p.s. Dar, I love you till the end of time. <3

tO b3 conTinu3d..

n3veR aGaiN

2008-09-05T14:06:00.014+08:00

As I breathe, I had difficulty breathing.. I felt like the knife being pushed into my heart further and further.. Deeper and deeper..

The look in his swollen eyes had the word 'haunted' in them. He shove me away and cover his head with the towel. "Please, don't look at me." I shook my head, pained by his emotions.. Pained by his sadness..

And a few mintues later, he look out of the window. His eyes showing no emotion, his mouth kept on mumbling silently. His face was like a crazed man, blinded from fear.. Blinded from the fact that we had no choice. No choice at all.

I shoved myself away, tears silently flowing from my eyes. Flowing freely as they escape from the jail that they were imprisonned just a few mintues ago. Even as I cry silently, I could not believe that I still have tears for this. After all that.

I could not let him see me cry. That would make matters worse. I was helpless. I have failed many many times. I cannot believe I fail again.

Fail to obey my instincts. Fail to protect. Fail to accomplish. Fail. Fail in everything. I felt I had been stabbed. Tears had been falling without me being able to control them for 24 hours now.

The punishment they gave is alright, I can handle. But not being able to accompany each other when in the same school? Hell.

Hell. Hell. Hell. I worry about him, and they won't let us see each other.

Sleep has been my favourite pastime recently. Not only time can go by quickly, but I can also escape from the pain in my heart. However, the evil glint in her eyes.. and other horrors of yesterday continue to haunt me. To torture me. To stop me from sleeping and to make me cry again unwillingly.

The tears fall again unexpectedly. I don't want to hear his name. I don't want to see him. Until the time is right. Until then, I don't know whether he will find another one. Don't know when I can stop crying unexpectaly. Don't know when I can run away and escape this pain.

Until the key appears, I will never laugh again. I will never be the same again.

tO b3 conTinu3d..

F-A-I-L-U-R-E

2008-08-14T20:27:00.001+08:00

As all Malaysians who read the newspaper should know, The Star(13th August 2008) had posted news about the singer who didn't sing and about part of the fireworks shown on 'live' tv is a fake!

The little and cute girl who had starred in the Olympics opening ceremony we had all eagerly watch on tv was ONLY MIMING the words. The real singer, Yang Peiyi was singing somewhere unknown. AND WE ALL HAD BEEN DUPED THAT Lin Miaoke WAS THE ACTUAL SINGER!

The GENERAL MUSIC DESIGNER OF THE CEREMONY had said in an interview with a state broadcaster on 12th August 2008 that Lin Miaoke was selected to mime because of her cute appearance. A renowned contemporary composer and French citizen had even said that the reason for this occurence was for the national interest.

Supposedly live pictures of fireworks depicting footprints moving from central Beijing's Tiananmen Square to the Olympics Stadium in the north of the capital were actually PARTLY COMPUTER-GENERATED or PRE-RECORDED for TV, and the organisers have admitted to it. ''We were thinking about what was best for the nation,'' said Chen QiGang.

S-T-O-P! This is an insult! Insult to the country! Insult to the viewers! And mostly, insult to the poor girl! What are you organizers doing? This is not the best way! There had to be another solution. Do you know you had just embarrased the cute girl's family? Years later, this cute girl may even hate you all for using her! You are using the two girls for the 'national interest'. DO YOU KNOW YOUR ACTIONS HAD JUST NOT ONLY DISHONOUR YOUR COUNTRY, YOURSELF AND YOUR LOVED ONES, BUT HAD ALSO JUST DISHONOUR THE WHOLE CHINESE RACE?

WE feel insulted by it. This was suppose to be a memorial date, and you use pre-recorded fireworks that we had seen on live tv??? What is the ''live'' stand for? YOU MAY NOT KNOW ENGLISH, BUT SURELY YOU KNOW WHAT IS RESPECT! Don't say this is for the national interest, you had just insulted and duped all of us. The viewers are dissapointed that you have used this forbidden tactics for the 'national interest'.

We understand your brains were not quick enough to come up with better solutions. But please respect us. We are the viewers, AKA customers. Thus, as the saying goes.. The customer is always right. At least apologized to the world. That is the least you can do to cover a bit of your HUGE mistake.

If not, this Bejing Oympics will remain in most people's minds as FAILURE.

08.08.08; 08:08:08

2008-08-08T22:39:00.001+08:00

Today, I got my results for the Library Test that I had sit last month. I had discovered a lot of ways to cause failure.. zz

Anyway, 再接再力 , 不要放气 .. I am not going to give up! ^.^

Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony is spectacular and amazing. The lights, the smiley-shaped fireworks.. The music, the noise, the excitement in the air.. It really makes me want to go there and join in the fun. :D

I also gained a new Pet Bro today.. :) However, it is due to unhappy times that I need to shake off.

The guilty.. the fear.. The love that can be evil at times and sometimes heaven..

OMG.. One hour passed already and they are still marching.. 0.o"

Anyway, I just heard the advice from my new pet bro.. He just told me advice I had not consider from that particular point of view. Now, I am wondering. Seriously wondering.

Had I ever love him?
T.T

leArn

2008-07-24T21:12:00.000+08:00

I just do not know why my friends keep on calling him nasty names. Do you know that by just creating a nasty name for one and keeps on calling him that, you will hurt his feelings? Or are you a coward and is just shouting so that you can show off your so-called bravery? Or are you just one stupid human being who's so bored and decided to waste your precious life away by just doing this?

STOP IT. THIS INSTANCE. You would not like it if I call you 'Halo fucker.' everytime I see you. No, I am too nice for that. And I won't be nice to you all if you keep on calling him that. I am serious. VERY SERIOUS.

Enough. I am not going to waste half of my blog just because of your useless pranks.

By the way, do you know that you, readers should all give some of your time to Mother Earth so that we can stop global warming and other natural disasters that can actually be prevented? Here's how, just go to this website or just click on it below. I do hope that you all will do your part for Mother Earth.

http://www.wecansolveit.org/

Please. Do your part and help save the enviroment. We need to take one step at a time in order to achieve a huge sucess. :)

Take care~

Doggie Wonders

2008-07-13T11:30:00.001+08:00

It's amazing that many people are still animal lovers despite the cruelty that can be found in every corner of the world. It's also amazing to see that many people still care for their dogs like members of their own families.

My family and I had gone to a dog show at a park opposite 1 Utama on an unpredictable day (29th June 2008). I had my camera in hand to see what cool stuff that can be taken as memoirs for this cool day.

From now, I shall use pictures and a few sentences to tell my day there. As you all know, a picture says a thousand words.

As you saw above, it was the first picture I took that day when I have my camera in my hand. A guy was throwing a bottle into a lake and his dog jumped in to fetch it. Clever?

The picture to the left is the hugest dog I had ever saw in my life. It got many stares from everybody as it must have been their first time seeing this huge dog.

I wonder what it is looking at while I took this picture..

To the right, is the cutest chihuahua I have ever seen. Of course, I have to zoom my camera so that I can take a better picture of it.

My dad and sis were all smiles when they look at it.

Come to think if it, it jumped into a box when it saw a dog that looks exactly like a lion. Not a surprise, as many people who saw it also avoided it. *Sorry, I could not take it's pictures because it is shy and is always found behind a tree.. zz

Surprise! It is only the size of it's owner hand and is incredibly, the smallest chihuahua I have ever seen in my entire life. There was a 2-times-run-round -the-park race, and when it ran with his owner, it kept on running and was still second place the second time I looked. :)

I know this is absurd, but I just cannot help but took this picture and saw dogs FRENCH KISSING each other. <3>

Of course, the bitch had enough of it and looked away embarrased on the spot. :) It's a good thing I was not bitten when both of them realized that I had took their precious moments together in a photo.

It is a very cute poodle and it's naked! =p

No, I am thinking straight and I took this picture when it's owner is buying pretty clothes for it. Want to the see transformation after she put on the clothes on it?

Yes I know it's not the same dog. But, it is cute isn't it?

Okay. This is the last picture as I am getting lazy moving images and typing. But this is a miracle. There is a big playground for dogs too, and look<< . You don't see this everyday. Trust me on this one. :)

Well, that is about it. We went back after one hour due to the weather that had changed from sunny to cloudy. My sis was complaining about the fact that we spent too little time over there, but we manage to get home safely.

I do hope that the relationship between animals and humans will comtinue peacefully. Especially dogs. After all, dogs are mans' best friends. xD

By the way, the photos above are copyrighted and are not to be used in any other way. I apologize for posting the photos up without their owners' consent, but what's done is done.

Besides, I do not know how to contact them.

Cya guys~ Have a pleasant weekend ahead.

0ld tim3s..

2008-07-06T00:33:00.001+08:00

I remember my past one morning when I was standing in my bathroom, brushing my teeth. Sounds and click were heard from a house nearby, which I recognize really well. It was someone, playing Sims 2 on PS2(which is quite common nowadays). You might be asking, what is so special about it? Well, it brings back memories, guilt and shame.

I remember when I was still in my primary school years when I was sent to a nanny's house somewhere near where I live. She was a great nanny, and I got along well with her nephew whose condition now is unknown(even though, I think he is 6 years old now..).

To make a long story short, I have known her grandchildren over a couple of years. I have my first experience of having lices in my hair. I have my first experience of not being liked by their parents, due to my immaturity(hey, I was a kid at that time!). I got along well with all of her grandchildren, except one whose age was older than me by one year.

However, I must agree with one of their parents for disliking me. For when I look back at what I had done, I seriously regretted it. There was this guy my sister had a crush on when we were still there. His sister likes to hang out with me, and sadly, I ignore her when her brother is here to play with us.

Things went so well, until one day, I stole a toy from her brother. Nobody found out, and nobody will. You, readers may have known.. But do you know who I am talking about? Do you even know who I am? xD

Anyway, in this blog entry, I would like to express my regrets to all whom I had accidentally or purposely steal from. I would also like to express my sorries to this guy I am talking about. I wish you the best of luck in your PMR in 2 years time.

I am so sorry, although you will never know. Whether you still remember me or not, I will always remember that day when I saw you playing Sims 2. I must express my shock that you used my name of all names that were available for one character that was in your game. I am sorry.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Anyway, yesterday which was America's Independant Day, was also John's birthday. I would like to say Happy Birthday to you in this blog, although you have 10% chance of reading this blog.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Take care John! ^.^

Time to sign off folks, because I am very busy tomorrow. Till then readers, take care. :)

(¯`·.·´¯) (¯`·.·´¯)
`·.¸(¯`...´¯)¸ .·´
×°× ` ·.¸.·´ ×°×

wAlAo..

2008-06-10T19:42:00.000+08:00

As I had said above, wAlAo.. But I guess it is okay.. Folks, my first blog in this place will be all about answering these questions.. So sit back and relax, you will know 5% of me after you finish.

001.What's the connection between you and the last person that called you?
Boy-girl relationship? 0.o"

002. Do you ever turn off your cellphone?
Sometimes, can't remember when.. zz

003. Wad happen to you at 10am today?
Exam!! Argh~

004. When did you last cry?
Sadly, I forgot the date.

005. What is your favourite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Erm.. Bread?

006. What do you want in your life right now?
Just him and 8As for my PMR~ xD

007. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put it up ur hood?
Erm.. None. Walking through the rain is fun..

008. What's your favourite thing to have on your bed?
Bear bear! (I think you don't have the slightest idea on what I am talking about.)

009. What bottom are you wearing now?
Just a blue pair of trackbottoms.

010. What's the nicest thing on your inbox said?
That he will remember me always? 0.o"

011. Do you tend to mke a relationship complicated?
I think so.

0012. Are you wearing anything that is borrowed from someone?
Nope.

013. Do you like your current class?
It's okay.

014. What are you proud of?
My ability to run away when I sense trouble.. Which means I know when to run away from my mum! xD jkjk~

015. What's your handphone model?
Nokia 2100.

016. What's was the last song you sang it out loud?
First Kiss.

017. Do you have any nicknames?
If I tell you 90% of it, people will know who I am in real life. But, it's Angel(10% of it.).

018. What does your last received text say?
xx, I go study lerr.. Later at night call you, cya. <<>

019. What time did you go to bed last night?
10 p.m. ++

020. Are you currently happy?
Yup~

021. Who gives you the best advice?
No one, unless I ask for advice from them. =p

022. Do you eat whipped cream straight from can?
Nope.

023. Who did you tok to on the phone last night?
xx. I won't tell you the name. xD

024. Is anything bugging you right now?
PMR, exams..

025. What/who was de last thing/person who made you laugh?
xx. Keke.. I won't tell you. xD

026. Do you wear toe socks?
What is that? 0.o"

027. Who is the last person you missed a call from?
xx. Same reason.

028. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yea.

029. What annoys u most in person?
My sister.

030. Do u have a crush on anyone?
I dare not. But are girls allow to? xD

031. Have u ever done cocaine?
Never. Never will.

032. what is the colour of ur room?
Blue. Green. White. I don't know, there are a lot of colours.

033. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollar?
I don't hate anyone.

034. Do you believe in the saying "talk is cheap"?
Huh? 0.o"

035. Who was the last person who lay on your bed?
Me! xD

036. Who was the last person to hug you?
xx.

037. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
No? 0.o"

038. Do you have a life?
Yup.

039. Have you ever think someone died but they actually haven't?
Yea, and I must admit, my thinking had gone astray.

040.What's the reason behind your profile song?
Favourite and melodic to the ear.

041. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
I forgot.

042. Last time you smiled?
Recently.

043. Have you changed this year?
Yea, I think.

044. What are you listening to now?
Fly Fm~

045. Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Yup~

046. Do u walk with your eyes open or closed?
Close. -.-" jkjk~

047. Is there a quote you live by?
Don't worry, be happy~

048. Do you want someone you can't have?
Again, I dare not. Scared marr. -.-"

049. Have you ever played an instrument?
Yea~

050. What was the worst idea you've in the week?
You don't want to know. -.-"

051. Wad are you doing last night at 11pm??
Happily lost in Dreamland.

052. Are u happy with your love life now?
Yea~

053.Wad song describe ur love life?lonely??
First Kiss? keke~

054. Does that person know that you like him/her?
Yup~

055. Who always make you laugh?
Jun~ xD

056.Do you speak other language other then english?
Yup~

057. Are you blond?
God forbids.

058. What is your middle name?
No telling. xD How about '0f'?

059. What are you doing tomorrow??
Breathing, watching, sitting, scratching my head, standing, smiling, writing, talking, loving etc.

060. What do you think you are like?
Shy and weird yet can be zadao sometimes. xD

061. Who will you choose to die with?
Him, if his time is up. If not, no one.

062. Where have you been today?
School, tuition, house and toilets. zz

063. What game you play often?
Maple Story.

064. Who are you missing now?
Him.

065. If you have to choose between love or friends which one will you choose?
Love. *Sry Jun~ -.-"

066. What are you doing right now??
Typing the answers to this annoying quiz, breathing, listening and watching.

067. Which primary school were you from?
SJK (C) Puay Chai

068. Name 3 colours that you like?
Blue.

069. What emotion you like to show?
xD

070. What is life to you?
We are born into this world to do a duty which we may have to go through many processes before we can do it and then, death awaits us.

071. If you have anything troubling you, what will you do?
Think of a way to solve it.

072. Who did you last chat on MSN yesterday?
Sadly, I did not go online.

073. Which model of phone did you use to own?
Erm.. My mum's current phone, which is.. I forgot. zz

074.Which month are u born?
November.

075. How are you feeling right now?
Sleepy and tired. Are we done yet? zz

076. What is the time now?
2033, Malaysia time.

077. Where are you now?
House.

078. What colour do you use to dye your hair?
Did not even dye before? -.-"

079. Why are you doing this test??
I was tagged, dang it.

080. What feeling you hate most?
Pain and doubts.

081. What age you plan to marry??
At the age he proposed to me. xD *daydreaming..*

082. Who is more important to you boyfriend or friends??
Boyfriend? zz *Again, sry jun~

083. Do you think you have enough confidence?
As long as I am not hurt. xD

084. Who is the person you trust most??
JUN! ^.^

085. Have you ever seen a rainbow after rain?
Yup~

086.If you have a dream, what will it b??
Anything?

087. Who is the person you don't trust most??
Erm.. No idea.

088. Do u believe in infinite love?
Yup~

089. What feeling do you love most??
Love.

090. Do you really think its global warming now??
Yea.

091. What feeling you hate most??
Hatred.

092. Do you cherish every friendship of yours??
Worthy ones.

093. Do u believe in God?
.. God, save me from this quiz.
Amen.

094. Who cares for you the most?
Parents, Jun and xx.

095. What do you think is the most important thing in your life??
Love, fun and games. xD

096. Describe the person who tagged you??
Known that person in Maple, my ex-guild member. -.-"

097. What have you regretted doing in life??
I am forbidden to regret as life moves on even when you pause.

098. What would you feel if no one cares for you??
Hurt and pain.

099. What if your lover two-timed you??
Tears, pain, hurt. T.T

100. What is your greatest wish??
I wish I can get everything that I wish for in good time. xD

List 5 people whom you want them to do this quiz.At the end of this post, notify them in their tagbox that he/she had been tagged..

The first 5 people who viewed this. xD

Hope you enjoy it.