Clouded Mind
Doubts clouded my mind. It has been a while since I last updated my blog. However, I guess there is nothing for me to type lately.
Or maybe it was because the words that I had wanted to say were impossible to typed?
Anyhow, I just wish that time would just stop and that we can all live in the moment.
In the moment,
when we do not have to worry about diseases.
when we do not have to worry about death.
when we do not have to worry about complicated things.
Somehow, I felt that I am becoming more distached and distant from life itself. I felt like every sap of energy is being slowly sucked away from me. I kept wondering what life has in store for me..
Especially when someone dear to me may just leave anytime God wants him to.
It seems that there is more to life than it truly is. But, what is the importance of it when you can't share it with someone you really love?
I. Am. Crapping. Again.
But, seriously..
Just leave me alone for now..
I am slowly preparing for the biggest shock of my life.
Because when it comes, my soul will surely die.
tO b3 conTinu3d..
p.S.
She feels so alone, with no one to hold,
She hides all her thoughts, pretend to be bold;
No one knows how she feels at night,
No one knows how close she is losing this fight.
She sits alone in her little room,
With the blade in her hand erasing her gloom;
The scars can't be seen as she tries her best to hide,
No one ever knows how she is feeling inside.
She feels confused why does he treat her like dirt?
She doesn't understand why she is always getting hurt.
No matter what she does, no matter what she tries,
She always seem to fall and believe his lies.
She can't seems to understand what she has done?
She thought it was worth it, but this hasn't been fun.
She has thought of ending her messed-up life,
But how would he feel, knowing that she turned to the knife?
She feels like suicide is the only escape.
How can she explain that around her a black cloud had begin to drape?
She is lost in this world with nothing to do but to let go,
How can she hold on when she lost herself a long time ago?
She can't explain why she feels this way,
All she knows is, this feeling can no longer stay.
She hates herself, pure destuction at risk,
So why not end it before someone saw the scars at her wrists?
Self-hatred has come over her until she no longer could pretend,
How can she loves herself when all she wants is the end?
She doesn't know why as there is no way to explain,
What caused someone to used her and cause herself such pain.
There's a puzzle in her head that she's afraid to admit,
If she put the pieces together, will she realised that this is it?
Could depression be the reason that this black cloud started to follow,
Which made her feel so worthless, destructive, hollow and so emo?
Because all she wanted was to stay by his side,
As she forced her fear to hide,
She knows that there is little time left,
Until it is both their deaths.
*I seriously just want to be the only one you love. I want to feel that I am being loved with all your heart. I just want to stay by your side forever. But, there's no such thing as forever.. Is there?
And with that, tears just slid down her face.
Or maybe it was because the words that I had wanted to say were impossible to typed?
Anyhow, I just wish that time would just stop and that we can all live in the moment.
In the moment,
when we do not have to worry about diseases.
when we do not have to worry about death.
when we do not have to worry about complicated things.
Somehow, I felt that I am becoming more distached and distant from life itself. I felt like every sap of energy is being slowly sucked away from me. I kept wondering what life has in store for me..
Especially when someone dear to me may just leave anytime God wants him to.
It seems that there is more to life than it truly is. But, what is the importance of it when you can't share it with someone you really love?
I. Am. Crapping. Again.
But, seriously..
Just leave me alone for now..
I am slowly preparing for the biggest shock of my life.
Because when it comes, my soul will surely die.
tO b3 conTinu3d..
p.S.
She feels so alone, with no one to hold,
She hides all her thoughts, pretend to be bold;
No one knows how she feels at night,
No one knows how close she is losing this fight.
She sits alone in her little room,
With the blade in her hand erasing her gloom;
The scars can't be seen as she tries her best to hide,
No one ever knows how she is feeling inside.
She feels confused why does he treat her like dirt?
She doesn't understand why she is always getting hurt.
No matter what she does, no matter what she tries,
She always seem to fall and believe his lies.
She can't seems to understand what she has done?
She thought it was worth it, but this hasn't been fun.
She has thought of ending her messed-up life,
But how would he feel, knowing that she turned to the knife?
She feels like suicide is the only escape.
How can she explain that around her a black cloud had begin to drape?
She is lost in this world with nothing to do but to let go,
How can she hold on when she lost herself a long time ago?
She can't explain why she feels this way,
All she knows is, this feeling can no longer stay.
She hates herself, pure destuction at risk,
So why not end it before someone saw the scars at her wrists?
Self-hatred has come over her until she no longer could pretend,
How can she loves herself when all she wants is the end?
She doesn't know why as there is no way to explain,
What caused someone to used her and cause herself such pain.
There's a puzzle in her head that she's afraid to admit,
If she put the pieces together, will she realised that this is it?
Could depression be the reason that this black cloud started to follow,
Which made her feel so worthless, destructive, hollow and so emo?
Because all she wanted was to stay by his side,
As she forced her fear to hide,
She knows that there is little time left,
Until it is both their deaths.
*I seriously just want to be the only one you love. I want to feel that I am being loved with all your heart. I just want to stay by your side forever. But, there's no such thing as forever.. Is there?
And with that, tears just slid down her face.
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