Is It Just Me?

She stays awake at night, staring up at the starless sky. There was no wind nor a sign of the moon as she stared mindlessly on and on. It has been a long time since she felt like this. A long time, since she could not sleep; since she felt unhappy. Strange, she is normally elated and lovesick. Yet, here she is. Sitting on the wobbly gate of hers, she looks up at the dark, cloudy night.

Three months ago, she felt the same way. She felt depressed; similar to the feeling that the whole world's problems were on her shoulders. She had just escaped from the forest; torn, wounded and lost. She was at the brim of tears, yet she did not know what to do as she continued walking forward. What lays ahead of her was unknown, but she felt scared and unsure. The only thing positive was that, she was finally free at last! But, what can she do with her new-found freedom? The air breathed was so much fresher; the skies were so much brighter. The day was filled with hope. For a moment, she did not thought about anything more. She just only thought of living through this day.

As she walked on, she saw an opportunity to help out; a place where she could contribute back to society. Little effort as it was, she decided to chip in and helped out. She became distracted; surrounding her was friends, laughter and a whole new experience. But the most worthwhile moment, was when she was filled with hope when she looked at him. He was a new friend of hers; helping her when she fell down and supporting her during her weakest moments. He was the one that helped her break the chains leashing on to her in the past and had torn away her blindfold so that she could see again. He was the one that cleaned away the blood that sipped out where her wings once been and had shown her the way to run out of the woods.

Yes, he was her light of hope. Without her knowing, he slowly became her respected and cherished friend. However, she did not think any further than necessary. He would never fall for her, especially after he knows almost every single line of her dark past. She felt his sympathy and empathy, maybe even his care. But, she knows she is not deserving of his love especially after hearing how he turned down other girls. She had checked his online profile once and saw love songs posted by him. In his birthday pictures, she also saw him with a gang of close friends. She smiled sadly, guessing instinctively that he must have a secret crush on one of the girls. Thinking this way, it does make sense.

Imagine her surprise when she later learned that he wanted to be by her side. She was doubtful at first, wondering whether he wanted to be by her side is because of the real feelings or because he assumed the responsibility of taking care of her because of her previous master. She was mistrusting, wondering whether she would get hurt again, similar to what happened in the past. Could she, would she let an almost total stranger into her life; especially when her heart was broken to pieces and her wings were torn and burned?

"Do you trust me?"

She looks at him, with his hand held out; his eyes looking at her. His' were the eyes that burn with passion, and his voice sounded so sincere and so genuine that she just put her hand out and touched his. As he held her hand, their lives intertwined. They had met at crossroads at some point of their lives and she was now travelling along with him. Her wounds were nurtured and cared for as she was showered with wave after wave of love and care. He tended to her needs, protected her from harm and told her stories for entertainment. Unknowingly, a bond formed; a bond she hoped would last forever.

Three months passed and time slowly slips away. Soon, she will have to fly to another part of the world and she would be left alone again. Her heart was burdened with the thought of not being with him, yet in some part of her, she was worried. Lately, she is scared that she is getting fat and his eyes would wander. Lately, she is scared her jealously may arise and that his personal space might be invaded. The past keeps haunting her as she do not want to repeat those mistakes. Every time her previous master scolded her for being jealous, for being possessive..

Tears filled her eyes as she silently cries. She does not want to but she just could not help it. She tried to explain but her previous master's angry words shot her heart and silence her. How can she feel safe when her previous master, himself had stated that his feelings wandered and was interested in another girl? How could she hold back when she had already lost her previous master once? Those moments still shook her and made her aware of how cold a person can be.

Especially when her previous master actually could look at another while still talking to her.

Especially when her previous master did not pick up a single call and she stayed up the whole night, crying and being consoled by another friend of hers.

Especially when her previous master does not care any more.

She became scared again. All these memories were triggered when she saw his eyes that were similar to her previous master's wandering eyes. She looked down at her feet, knowing that she must not suspect; that she must trust. But, those eyes.. She could not seem to shake it off. Is she becoming fat, too fat for his own taste? Is she becoming boring, too boring until can die? Knowing his polite nature, he might not say anything but guys are predictably unpredictable. She just did not want to think. She just did not want to observe those eyes anymore. Those eyes that seems to twinkle when he laughed, she just could not bear the thought of his eyes wandering. They remind her too much of her past.

That was why she frowned.
That was why she was thinking so hard.

That was why she is now still awake.

If you noticed her eyes, they seem to tell you everything. But yet, she does not want her past to affect her future.

That's why she did not say anything, not yet.

Is it just her alone that feel this way?

tO b3 conTinu3d..

p.S. 多少爱情都是这样的——故事的开始：我会给你幸福。故事的结局：祝你幸福。