Rain Clouds and Thunder Storms

One.

Two.

Baby steps.

Three.

Four.

Baby steps.

Five.

Six.

Baby steps.

I felt pumped up and full of hope as I rushed around gathering all my hard work and information. The deadline was at 11.59 p.m, and all my information are everywhere. As my stress levels go up a notch, I quickly reorganized everything into a zip folder and did the final checking.

With an anxious feeling, I sent the zipped folder and sighed with relief.

My wings then were healed from the storm that happened 2 years ago. I felt free and full of confidence that I can do this. Though my actions are contradicting to whatever I said at that point in time, I really wanted to give it a try and opt for this challenge. I was thinking, "What could go wrong?"

I had the world at the tips of my fingers. I knew all the people from back then, and their mistakes and culture. I knew what to do to solve the mistakes and to keep the world from collapsing. I proposed my plans and strategies to my advisers, whom give valuable comments and feedback. I tweaked a few things after every session, so that I can ensure a strong foundation and constant stability for my plans and strategies.

And after doing things that require a lot of effort on my part, I felt I was ready. I felt I was ready to take on the world and its problems. What I did not know was, will the world see it the same way as I do?

I presented my views and ideas to the world. I introduced myself, a bit of my past and my future plans and strategies for the world. I have big things in store for the world. I promised them an eternal balance between Yin and Yang, as the world cannot survive without the other. I promised them, that I will never be a dictator as I want to grow and learn with them as well. For what use is an angel, if the angel cannot connect with her own people?

But, I could not connect with them in the end. My people said I was too arrogant, I had no far vision and I am not even aware of myself. So, how can I lead with a blur vision? How can I lead when I cannot foresee danger? How can I guide them when I am not perfect myself?

It was a terrible blow for me, because all my other comrades passed. They managed to connect with the people and were accepted into another stage of their angel life. What's left for me, is to replay the melody I played and to find out by ear what I should do. To find out, where have I gone wrong. To find out, why did I fail.

As I stare at the blue walls of my isolated corner, I can hear the laughter and joy from my comrades. They were happy, as they passed. They got what they want, and they are ready for their next phase in their journey. For me, all I have left are ashes of my work being blown away by the wind. My hope is all gone, as I felt the world crashing down on me.

I was here longer than any of them. I worked hard and prepared as much as I could. Why did I fail?

And, as I wallow in my self pity, a voice accompanied by light shone down on me. And, I look up and listened. Listened to what the voice has to say. And, I realized, I still have hope.

Guided by the light, I travel on the road again. Flying as the same course as before, but more cautious and still the same arrogant person as I am. Maybe my confidence and arrogance killed me, maybe not. But, all I can say is, I knew I did my best. That is because I corrected my mistakes along the way and keep flying forward. I got to keep on flying as nobody will wait for me. Not even him.

Unexpectedly, I failed again. This time, to an amateur whom joined the flight not too long ago. Imagine my embarrassment and anger when I failed. I wasted precious time and resources that could have been allocated otherwise to result in something more productive and useful. I could have concentrate on something more useful and not on this. Why did my people choose this amateur, even after I corrected my mistakes as much as I could? True, I am not perfect. But, seriously, for a person of my rank to fail twice at an amateur level is really frustrating me. It put me beyond embarrassment, sadness or lost. It made me angry. Very angry.

 
I want to shout.
I want to yell.
I want to deny.
I want to vent.
I want to roar.
I want to pounce.
I want to hate.

But, most of all,
I want to kill.

After that day, they left me alone for awhile.

Thankfully, otherwise I would seriously explode.

For all of the things that I have contributed, the flight just acted like some money-profit organization.

At the end, I really consider whether I should stay at my place in the flight.

Whether I should continue.

After many days of rain clouds and thunder storms, I have finally accepted my role that I am different in the flight. Maybe I was never destined to be in the flight, because I am destined for something bigger and better. Although it still hurts to see my so-called comrades as they walked past and remember what we went through together, I moved on.

I keep flying forward with a calm heart because I am the one-and-only legendary Moonlight Sex Goddess.

I know who I am.
I know what I need.
I know what to do.

I do not need a stranger telling me what I should do with my own life.
My own life is to be carried whatever and however way I wish.

It is, after all, my life.
Failures cannot define me.

tO b3 conTinu3d..