My Version of Odyssey Plans Exercise
Inspired by "Design Your Life", I have completed the exercise as listed in Chapter 5 to design my lives. Below are pictures of what I have accomplished, and my reflections below for me to ponder about my future:
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Thoughts in My Head:
Looking at the white board in front of me, it feels wholesome; like I have accomplished something. It started out simple as I laid out what I have been doing all this while. One sentence to summarize a whole category of my life. It is no wonder that I felt unsatisfied. Whatever I have been doing was not enough. It was not enough to take me to the final destination of where I want to go; where I would like to be. I have always been going with the flow. But, without struggles, how can I arrive at the destination that I seek? To be fair, when I think about struggles.. my whole body tensed up. It reminded me of the days I had back at 1024. It started out pleasant and exciting. But, towards the end, it just caused every nerve and fiber of my being to be tensed. I can see why I prefer my life to be struggle-free for now. But, it seems like it is still not enough for me to feel satisfied when I look at the first column that I wrote for myself.
After Dib came, life was a little unbalanced. I had to find a new balance as I sorted out how Dib was going to fit into my life. My ideals for romantic relationships are very different from my ideals for solo living. And Dib's entry into my life proved that as I stopped caring about previous commitments and prioritized him over many sections of my life. I feel more strongly towards discrimination and prejudice by my family. I feel less inclined to work out more as I used the time to relax or spend more time with Dib. Solo travelling and socializing was out of the question since financials were tight. And, luxurious self-care became only a dream since I could not even prioritize basic self-care. It was a mess as I let myself loose; to the point where I reached my heaviest weight again at the beginning of this year. It was a sordid reminder to myself that I am unable to climb out of this rabbit hole that I have dug for myself. But, the amount of energy to achieve all this is tremendous. Not to mention the time and commitment to myself that I have to prioritize time and time again. If Dib had never entered my life, I would never have been able to feel truly independent since I will most likely still be living with my parents. I would have never been truly happy since I always wanted someone who would only love me like how I love them (not blood-related). But, I recognize that all of these components are an important part of my life. I have a theory that the energy lacking to fulfill all of these has been spent on building and maintaining the relationship I have with Dib, and also to fuel my own basic needs at the moment for survival. Most likely, I have to identify activities that energize me more than they drain me so that I can allocate some to the important points of column #2.
Ah.. we have reached column #3. It is really the dream to be honest. Everything I want, whenever I want. I feel like I am currently not doing anything at the moment to work towards it. But, this activity is a very good wake-up call to let me know that I would like to live the life that I had designed in column #3. Everything listed really does complement my whole personality, and how I prioritized myself and those I loved above society, community, and the rest of the world. Self-love is essential in column #3, and I can respect that need because it is hard to do and achieve fully in today's world. I guess it is time for me to stop thinking this is a dream, and to start living the dream instead. After all, I was the one that designed column #3.
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