tHe wiNdow 0f a s0uL
She leaned her body against the wall which allows only her upper body part to lean over to see the view below. There is nothing special about the view in front of her. It is what she sees every school morning for the past four years now.
The sky is covered with many grey clouds, which misled most people to thinking that it will rain later. However, she knew that it will be sunny and hot later on. She breathed in. She felt the ache in her heart being pushed quickly out from the bottom of her breaking heart and from this, let out a long and tired sighed.
From her childhood years, she never thought she would feel this way some day. It had seem impossible back then. But, it is an unavoidable pain right now. Shifting her weight from her left leg to the right, she look at the faces of many students and teachers walking to and fro. Some were smiling and chatting with their friends who are walking besides them whereas some are still sleepy and confused.
"Hey." A pat on her head had alerted her to his presence. He is already here. She look at him and look away. Afraid that he will see the shadows lurking in her eyes. This shadows were not ordinary shadows. They cannot just be formed from the many sleepless nights and the many diets.
No. They were formed by the mountain of secrets she have for the past sixteen years. Some were personal that only God knows. Some were not hers to tell. They are the shadows that had caused her mysterious aura, they are the shadows that made her an introvert and a person not easily broken by the many hurts by strangers or friends.
Except..
Her loved one.
The many insults. The many cruel jokes. The many, unforgettable scoldings had been carved deeply into her heart. One by one. They could not be erased as it is not only some part of her past, it is also a part of herself.
Not all of them were bad. Most were good too. However, she just could not bear to the fact that she brought trouble for herself and her loved one constantly. She did not mean it, and definitely do not want it. For months, her eyes showed loneliness and sadness when no one noticed. Even if they do, they would think she was just day-dreaming.
"You don't want me?" She looked at him startled, with anger building in her eyes. True, that anger is part of a shield that blocked out the shadows. But, it is also a meaning that she do not want to hear what he had just said. How many times must she say? How can she convince him that she does want him?
When all had passed, he looked in front again. He is quiet, too quiet. Sometimes, he always complained he feel sleepy. She felt a temporary painful stab in her heart. It's like, she is boring him. For the first few months they have been together, he had chatted away happily. He was always the supplier of conversations. But now, it seems.. The same conversation happens and happens all over again.
She looked at him and wonders. Doubts began to fill her heart. She felt her eyes glazed over as self-criticizing began. Her heart aches as she look away. Must every morning be like this?
She don't want him to be in trouble because of her.
She don't want him to have any negative emotions.
She.. Just want him to be happy. Just wanted him to have pure happiness.
As she was engulfed in her thoughts, the bell rang. And the day began.
tO b3 conTinu3d..
The sky is covered with many grey clouds, which misled most people to thinking that it will rain later. However, she knew that it will be sunny and hot later on. She breathed in. She felt the ache in her heart being pushed quickly out from the bottom of her breaking heart and from this, let out a long and tired sighed.
From her childhood years, she never thought she would feel this way some day. It had seem impossible back then. But, it is an unavoidable pain right now. Shifting her weight from her left leg to the right, she look at the faces of many students and teachers walking to and fro. Some were smiling and chatting with their friends who are walking besides them whereas some are still sleepy and confused.
"Hey." A pat on her head had alerted her to his presence. He is already here. She look at him and look away. Afraid that he will see the shadows lurking in her eyes. This shadows were not ordinary shadows. They cannot just be formed from the many sleepless nights and the many diets.
No. They were formed by the mountain of secrets she have for the past sixteen years. Some were personal that only God knows. Some were not hers to tell. They are the shadows that had caused her mysterious aura, they are the shadows that made her an introvert and a person not easily broken by the many hurts by strangers or friends.
Except..
Her loved one.
The many insults. The many cruel jokes. The many, unforgettable scoldings had been carved deeply into her heart. One by one. They could not be erased as it is not only some part of her past, it is also a part of herself.
Not all of them were bad. Most were good too. However, she just could not bear to the fact that she brought trouble for herself and her loved one constantly. She did not mean it, and definitely do not want it. For months, her eyes showed loneliness and sadness when no one noticed. Even if they do, they would think she was just day-dreaming.
"You don't want me?" She looked at him startled, with anger building in her eyes. True, that anger is part of a shield that blocked out the shadows. But, it is also a meaning that she do not want to hear what he had just said. How many times must she say? How can she convince him that she does want him?
When all had passed, he looked in front again. He is quiet, too quiet. Sometimes, he always complained he feel sleepy. She felt a temporary painful stab in her heart. It's like, she is boring him. For the first few months they have been together, he had chatted away happily. He was always the supplier of conversations. But now, it seems.. The same conversation happens and happens all over again.
She looked at him and wonders. Doubts began to fill her heart. She felt her eyes glazed over as self-criticizing began. Her heart aches as she look away. Must every morning be like this?
She don't want him to be in trouble because of her.
She don't want him to have any negative emotions.
She.. Just want him to be happy. Just wanted him to have pure happiness.
As she was engulfed in her thoughts, the bell rang. And the day began.
tO b3 conTinu3d..
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