I Will Still Wait for You
We were holding hands tightly while walking down the bumpy path. Lately, I had noticed that your hands loosely held mine, as if you wish to do something else. The time we spent walking down this path together had became less and less lately as you would run off, claiming to do something else. I would miss you as I slowly walk down this path of Life and would always run or call you just to see you or hear your voice.
But, you were always busy. Leaving me alone to fend for myself, my heart suffered. Pain was seen in my eyes. However, you never saw. Or, I thought you did not.
I don't know why, but when we reached a T-junction, you had wanted us to go separate ways. I was stunned, and could not speak. I was forced to control my tears. In the end, you suggested you need a rest. I nodded, unable to speak as you started along the right road and leaving me behind, as usual.
Life's road wasn't well-built. The road was coarsed, and there were many pot-holes that spell trouble for anyone who fell into it. The light given to us; the love that we had built, was the only thing that had guided us through this path for many years.
Although there were many times that one of us fell, the other one was sure to pull the poor victim up from the hole. And then, there was once when both of us fell into deep shit. It was sticky, where loopholes to escape from them were unable to be found. At first, you thought about running away. But, you finally condemned and convinced yourself to the fate that we were both in trouble, whether we liked it or not. You cried, wishing it was all a nightmare and it would dissapear when you woke up.
And, all I could do.. was nothing. All I could do, was to write another post on this..
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I am wondering where the hell am I standing now on this path. I am not so angry now, just sad and depressed. However, I kept on worrying about you. I kept thinking about you. And yes, I kept on thinking about the special moments we shared together. Mostly good, and free from fighting like two crazy people.
However, you wanted a break from all that craziness. You said you were stressed, from all the homework and activities from the club you had joined. Summarized, you were busy. At first, you wanted to break up. You wanted to break away from all that is related to me, and walk on different paths. After all this time.. After all we had gone through.. I was stunned.
As I stand on this path, I looked back and thought on all the occasions that I had given up great men just to be with you. I thought of all the occasions where I happily neglected friends that I cared most just to be with you. I thought of many things, mainly related to you and me.
Like the time, when we went to Sunway Lagoon with my sister. I was happy when I saw you, happily munching away on the food, which was on me for your birthday. And I also remembered the time I saw your face with lighted eyes when you tasted a drink in The Garden.
“Eh! This is good wor..” – Chinese – English translation (again)
A sad smile lit on my face as I remembered the past. Now, I wondered whether you really still love me. I wondered whether there is a third person in our relationship. I wondered whether you actually know the meaning of love. Because, I asked guys about this and none said that they would sacrifice their girlfriends for their career and studies. If you had wanted to really (and actually) concentrated on studies, you can at least asked me to just meet you less. Not to break up.
This. Really. Hurt.
Just the word was enough to make me shuddered.
Dar, you don’t know the terrible and scary meeting our group got from the committees on that Friday. You were at home, probably playing Maple Story. I was scared, and when I cried in a lonely spot, all I could think was I wanted your hug. Other people who asked my condition made me cried even more, as it made your empty presence felt even deeper.
Dar, you don’t know that I gave up a crush on a guy that I went out with once. You don’t know that I made another heart break just because I can’t bear to think of continuing life without you. When I wanted to conclude things with him, he did exactly what you did. He wanted to become friends because of needing to concentrate on club activities and homework. It hurt, but I clung on to you, hoping that you will help me heal this light wound.
Without you knowing, you made it deeper. You did exactly as he did, making me feel more unwanted and rejected.
I became angry.
I became frustrated.
I became annoyed.
Your words finally made me realized that I really couldn’t trust any males with total confidence. You said you love me, but where is the love you claimed you had? You said you would call me, but why do I get a SMS instead? You said this, but you did that. I was disappointed, in me and in you.
The way you treat me had become worse lately, and when you had wanted to break up, I wondered whether you really wanted it and whether I had stop you from gaining freedom. I don’t know, it hurts and I just kept on suffering in the dark.
I look up in the heavy rain, down the freshly trodden path. Your back is hazy in the rain, but I can still see the outline. As I run towards you, I just want you to know. I live now, for your daily ‘calls’ while waiting for you to come back to me.
To come back and hold hands so that we can walk down the path of Life together just like before. Until then, I guess I must silently suffer.
As always, I love you. And it is this love that made me blind.
Blind, even when I face Death himself.
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p.S. I gave you my heart, and I wish that you won't give it to someone else. Especially after all the hearts that were broken.
To all the people that I have broken their hearts, I don't really like most of you more than friends. But, to a special person, I did. However, we were never meant to be. You were just too late. And yes, I was forced to break your hearts so that you all can move on and have a better future.
And, whether we both like each other or not.. I beg you. Don't waste my efforts. Go, and never look back.
So, take care and good luck in finding a love so true, that even I cannot give you.
tO b3 conTinu3d..
But, you were always busy. Leaving me alone to fend for myself, my heart suffered. Pain was seen in my eyes. However, you never saw. Or, I thought you did not.
I don't know why, but when we reached a T-junction, you had wanted us to go separate ways. I was stunned, and could not speak. I was forced to control my tears. In the end, you suggested you need a rest. I nodded, unable to speak as you started along the right road and leaving me behind, as usual.
Life's road wasn't well-built. The road was coarsed, and there were many pot-holes that spell trouble for anyone who fell into it. The light given to us; the love that we had built, was the only thing that had guided us through this path for many years.
Although there were many times that one of us fell, the other one was sure to pull the poor victim up from the hole. And then, there was once when both of us fell into deep shit. It was sticky, where loopholes to escape from them were unable to be found. At first, you thought about running away. But, you finally condemned and convinced yourself to the fate that we were both in trouble, whether we liked it or not. You cried, wishing it was all a nightmare and it would dissapear when you woke up.
And, all I could do.. was nothing. All I could do, was to write another post on this..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am wondering where the hell am I standing now on this path. I am not so angry now, just sad and depressed. However, I kept on worrying about you. I kept thinking about you. And yes, I kept on thinking about the special moments we shared together. Mostly good, and free from fighting like two crazy people.
However, you wanted a break from all that craziness. You said you were stressed, from all the homework and activities from the club you had joined. Summarized, you were busy. At first, you wanted to break up. You wanted to break away from all that is related to me, and walk on different paths. After all this time.. After all we had gone through.. I was stunned.
As I stand on this path, I looked back and thought on all the occasions that I had given up great men just to be with you. I thought of all the occasions where I happily neglected friends that I cared most just to be with you. I thought of many things, mainly related to you and me.
Like the time, when we went to Sunway Lagoon with my sister. I was happy when I saw you, happily munching away on the food, which was on me for your birthday. And I also remembered the time I saw your face with lighted eyes when you tasted a drink in The Garden.
“Eh! This is good wor..” – Chinese – English translation (again)
A sad smile lit on my face as I remembered the past. Now, I wondered whether you really still love me. I wondered whether there is a third person in our relationship. I wondered whether you actually know the meaning of love. Because, I asked guys about this and none said that they would sacrifice their girlfriends for their career and studies. If you had wanted to really (and actually) concentrated on studies, you can at least asked me to just meet you less. Not to break up.
This. Really. Hurt.
Just the word was enough to make me shuddered.
Dar, you don’t know the terrible and scary meeting our group got from the committees on that Friday. You were at home, probably playing Maple Story. I was scared, and when I cried in a lonely spot, all I could think was I wanted your hug. Other people who asked my condition made me cried even more, as it made your empty presence felt even deeper.
Dar, you don’t know that I gave up a crush on a guy that I went out with once. You don’t know that I made another heart break just because I can’t bear to think of continuing life without you. When I wanted to conclude things with him, he did exactly what you did. He wanted to become friends because of needing to concentrate on club activities and homework. It hurt, but I clung on to you, hoping that you will help me heal this light wound.
Without you knowing, you made it deeper. You did exactly as he did, making me feel more unwanted and rejected.
I became angry.
I became frustrated.
I became annoyed.
Your words finally made me realized that I really couldn’t trust any males with total confidence. You said you love me, but where is the love you claimed you had? You said you would call me, but why do I get a SMS instead? You said this, but you did that. I was disappointed, in me and in you.
The way you treat me had become worse lately, and when you had wanted to break up, I wondered whether you really wanted it and whether I had stop you from gaining freedom. I don’t know, it hurts and I just kept on suffering in the dark.
I look up in the heavy rain, down the freshly trodden path. Your back is hazy in the rain, but I can still see the outline. As I run towards you, I just want you to know. I live now, for your daily ‘calls’ while waiting for you to come back to me.
To come back and hold hands so that we can walk down the path of Life together just like before. Until then, I guess I must silently suffer.
As always, I love you. And it is this love that made me blind.
Blind, even when I face Death himself.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
p.S. I gave you my heart, and I wish that you won't give it to someone else. Especially after all the hearts that were broken.
To all the people that I have broken their hearts, I don't really like most of you more than friends. But, to a special person, I did. However, we were never meant to be. You were just too late. And yes, I was forced to break your hearts so that you all can move on and have a better future.
And, whether we both like each other or not.. I beg you. Don't waste my efforts. Go, and never look back.
So, take care and good luck in finding a love so true, that even I cannot give you.
tO b3 conTinu3d..
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