Till The End
I wake up every morning and with dozing eyes reach to the center of my apartment - where I stand next to my friend of 4 years. My friend who stood silent when I cursed him, who stood silent when I cried in front of him, who stood silent when I laughed in front of him. My silent friend of good and bad times- a wooden, human size mirror.
Every morning when I meet my friend, I witness my eyes full of pain and despair. Every morning when I meet my friend, I witness eyes full of unfulfilled dreams. Dreams which shattered my zeal to live, zeal to enjoy life, zeal to wait for the dawn awaiting next morning while laying below the star-studded sky.
The sight of my four year old friend makes me shudder and hide. To reach to a place where no one else can see and mock me. A place where I can cry loud and no one can hear. Prying eyes of people surrounding me makes it hard for me to take diminutive breathe for my survival. Their deafening laugh make it difficult to hear my own voice.
Why a broken relation for just 4 years old is questioning my survival of 16 years?
Why only the ending of my life seems reasonable to end this skirmish nightmare?
I am weak or just not fit for this insensitive world.
A world where selfless love and care is cheated for no reason.
Where a person leaves the delicate threads attached to your life when you really want to live.
Where my life full of passion and love just demeaned.
I loved someone just to hate myself comes to my mind when I pop dozens of perilous pills with a glass of water.
I still feel the excruciating pain from the sharp edges of the secluded box full of old memories and times hidden in the dark chambers of my heart.
His face in front of my eyes refuses to die out in spite of the cold deceit I got.
Bearing the pain of my poisoned body, I smile back at my friend of 4 years, a gift by my phony soul mate. My final blinks see fading image of his face and his gift - my mirror friend who watches remaining handful seconds of my life helplessley bids final adieu.
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p.S. This is for someone who I really cared for.
"I hope you had really moved on with life. If you really read this, I just want you to know that whatever happened, happened for a reason. By the way, you are an idiot. A stupid fool. I guess all males are like that. How can you just see on one's appearance and then conclude that one is happier than before? Idiotic fool. You do not know how many tears were shed, how many heartaches were forced away.. and how life was a frown for me since that day. And yet.. Life's like that. It's true, isn't it? Guys are morons; simple creatures that cannot even observed their loved ones and determined their true feelings and why their loved ones react like that."
"Idiotic fool."
tO b3 conTinu3d..
{親愛的那並不是愛情}
Every morning when I meet my friend, I witness my eyes full of pain and despair. Every morning when I meet my friend, I witness eyes full of unfulfilled dreams. Dreams which shattered my zeal to live, zeal to enjoy life, zeal to wait for the dawn awaiting next morning while laying below the star-studded sky.
The sight of my four year old friend makes me shudder and hide. To reach to a place where no one else can see and mock me. A place where I can cry loud and no one can hear. Prying eyes of people surrounding me makes it hard for me to take diminutive breathe for my survival. Their deafening laugh make it difficult to hear my own voice.
Why a broken relation for just 4 years old is questioning my survival of 16 years?
Why only the ending of my life seems reasonable to end this skirmish nightmare?
I am weak or just not fit for this insensitive world.
A world where selfless love and care is cheated for no reason.
Where a person leaves the delicate threads attached to your life when you really want to live.
Where my life full of passion and love just demeaned.
I loved someone just to hate myself comes to my mind when I pop dozens of perilous pills with a glass of water.
I still feel the excruciating pain from the sharp edges of the secluded box full of old memories and times hidden in the dark chambers of my heart.
His face in front of my eyes refuses to die out in spite of the cold deceit I got.
Bearing the pain of my poisoned body, I smile back at my friend of 4 years, a gift by my phony soul mate. My final blinks see fading image of his face and his gift - my mirror friend who watches remaining handful seconds of my life helplessley bids final adieu.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
p.S. This is for someone who I really cared for.
"I hope you had really moved on with life. If you really read this, I just want you to know that whatever happened, happened for a reason. By the way, you are an idiot. A stupid fool. I guess all males are like that. How can you just see on one's appearance and then conclude that one is happier than before? Idiotic fool. You do not know how many tears were shed, how many heartaches were forced away.. and how life was a frown for me since that day. And yet.. Life's like that. It's true, isn't it? Guys are morons; simple creatures that cannot even observed their loved ones and determined their true feelings and why their loved ones react like that."
"Idiotic fool."
tO b3 conTinu3d..
{親愛的那並不是愛情}
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